Monday, April 1, 2013

Things They Don't Tell You

I just found a piece of rice on my belly.

I haven't had rice in like four days, so that's fun.

That's one of the things they don't mention in those pregnancy books: You will find various Asian foods near or on your belly at any given time no matter the distance between yourself and said Asian food.

Other things they don't mention:

1. You will cry at episodes of The Kardashians, not out of mockery or saddness for them, but because you found something truly touching about the way Khloe willingly judges a vadge smelling contest between Kourtney and Kim, because sisters! oh my gosh you're about to have two little girls that will be sisters! and one day they might have a who-smells-better-down-there contest! because they're so close and they love each other enough to be so absolutely totally disgusting it's sweet!  (but please girls if you're reading this, don't.  just don't.)

2. You will want to eat Blow Pops until your teeth fall out.

3. You will tweak and/or pull a muscle IN YOUR RIGHT BUTTOCK and will not be able to walk without a very pimp-like limp.  Said limp may look awesome if you were a gangsta from the 90's, but now that you're like 8 months pregnant and a tall white girl, it just looks sad.

4. You will take to wearing men's underwear because it's more comfortable and thus will up the romance between you and your partner by negative a thousand.

5. You will suddenly feel super sexy times should be happening, but then number 4 is also happening, and you're not really willing to give that up.  And also number 3 doesn't help matters either.

6. You will want to eat Bubbilicious until your teeth fall out.

7. You will pee when you sneeze.  Technically, they do tell you that one, but no one really believes it.  Well, believe it ladies.  Don't sneeze in public unless you're willing to free-ball it.


In other news, someone has learned to say "cheese" when you're taking her picture, which is super cute, but it's making for some very crazy pictures right now.










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