Tuesday, December 16, 2014

34 Weeks!

34 people!  THIRTY FOUR!  XXXIV!

At this point I celebrate every week further.  This week I am celebrating with Hart of Dixie.  Don't judge, it makes me so happy.  It's like ice cream for my brain.

Which is good because I don't need any more ice cream for my belly.
34 weeks!

I don't even think I liked Summer on The O.C., but I love Zoe Hart so much if we were having girls I would name them Zoe and Hart.  THAT'S RIGHT I WOULD!  You're not the boss of me!  I mean not that I would trust my doctor if she walked in the room at a stout 4 feet 9 in Prada heels and booty shorts, but damnit if the CW doesn't make things work.

Also, this cracked me up.

Everyone in the world is going to never read this blog again but I promise, I'll never talk about Hart of Dixie again.


Meanwhile Addie is getting really build-y lately which is awesome!  Like, without any help she did the following:

Teeny stonehenge on her own?  Genius?  Probably.

Tower.  Apparently for us to all live in.  Tula gets to stay in the stray block in front of the tower, according to Addie.  At least she thought of her.
(The Native Americans are still skeptical.)

Maybe this is totally normal behavior from a 3 year old, but I was totally thrilled about it.  So much so I'm gonna say 'totally' one more time.  Totally.

Also, Tula and I had a TON of fun yesterday when she discovered I am magic.  Gosh I hope she never forgets it.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Warning! Graphic Photos!

This is for all the people who tell me I don't look like I'm carrying twins.  It's also for all those who say they want twins.  Do you?  DO YOU REALLY?  I have so many stretch marks you could play matchbox cars race track on my belly for hours.

But that's good, because that means the boys are big.  As of Friday they were both close to 5.5 lbs.  THAT'S A LOT OF BABY UP IN HERE.  And based on the way I'm eating they're just gonna keep getting bigger, which is fantastic.  (Four waffles, eggs, and bacon for lunch, and I could have kept going) Oh, and Tula thinks my belly is a play area.  Poor girl is not even going to recognize me after these little guys come out.  She constantly runs up to me and rest her head on my belly, like it's her own weird water bed and says, "Mama, nigh nigh."  UGH! I want to eat her face off!

Me, Tula and the boys.

Tula trying to scale the mountain.

Meanwhile, we are in the middle of a snow storm and Addie and Tula worked VERY hard on a snowman that just sort of looked like a mountain.  

Also, Tula's dolls go everywhere now.

Keeping her poor doll warm.  Someone get that girl some pants!

Sled ride around the neighborhood!  Somehow Tula wound up the big spoon.  Addie is thrilled.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

33 Weeks!

According to Baby Center that means they're about the size of pineapples.  Yeah, that's pretty much how it feels.  

33 Weeks!

I saw the doctor yesterday and they said I'm the last of their ladies pregnant with twins, all the others have had their babies, the longest one holding on til 35 weeks.  THAT'S A WEEK AND A HALF A WAY PEOPLE!  

Cue tiny brain explosion.

But then the nurse (so sweet) told me she thought I had the body type to hold these suckers in, so that is what's happening.  Also, Josh is going to take over cleaning the bathrooms because I told him cleaning products have been known to put women into early labor.  Man, that guy will believe everything!  I should have gone bigger!  Oh honey, I can't shave my legs because razors have a special metal in them that if touched can cause your water to break, could you do it for me?  Or, Hey love, do you think you could just give me an hour long massage three times a day? It'll help relax my uterus.

33 Weeks and 3 days.  I grow by the second people.  Also, that's not a maternity sweater, but I already had it on before I heard the tearing of stitches and permanent stretching out of fabric, so, it's forever - That Sweater I Wore One Day I Was Super Pregnant That Tula Rubbed Chocolate On Immediately Even Though She Wasn't Eating Chocolate Nor Did I Find Any Anywhere, Dear Lord I Hope It Wasn't Poop

Also, for comparison, I found this picture of when I was 38 weeks with Tula.  I mean.  I don't even look pregnant compared to this time.

38 weeks with Tula!

Sorry, not much to say right now.  I'm so tired I have about enough energy to open my Reese's Peanut Butter Christmas Trees and then eat them.  Sometimes I don't even have the energy to eat them and I wake up to the sound of Boris licking his chops after devouring the poisonous chocolate.

Addie found a new bff at the Christmas Stroll!

And Grandpa helped her out so she could see Santa.  

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

So Close

Last week I was 31 weeks!


And baby a (the bottom baby) was head down!  Yay!  That is good news, because that is the baby that needs to be head down so I don't have to have a c-section.  So as long as that little crazy stays that way, vaginal delivery in front of a room of twenty it is!  Exactly what I want!  Apparently even my pediatrician has to be there.  I really like him, but never thought I'd have to be naked in the worst way in front of him.  I think the first time I met him my boobs were out and I was trying to figure out how to nurse Addie by repeatedly shoving my nipple in her nose and yelling, "Smell that?!  That's what you need for life!  Latch dang it!  LATCH!!!"  So that will be fun!

Sidenote: No one tells you how hard nursing is the first time.  It's hard, people.  It seems like in the movies babies come out and are immediately clean and drinking like a four month old, but most of the time they come out bloody and ready to latch just wrong enough to make one of the most sensitive parts of your body blistered and bloody.

I did better with Tula, and hope to do even better with the boys.  Two at one time - how hard could that be? (she says with incredible sarcasm)  (have I mentioned how FANTASTIC it is I have a mother who has only had twins???  to her this is no big deal.  to me, it's insane.)

32 weeks!  

Now I'm 32 weeks!  Which is really great news, because that means I can have the babies here in Bozeman!  If I had gone into labor before that I would have had to be flown to a bigger town because of the NICU or something.  All I heard was "32 weeks, blah blah blah" and then I zoned out and focused all my will on keeping these babies in because the last thing I need is to be in labor and on a helicopter.  Motion sickness  and labor is not a combo I want to experience.  That and being hundreds of miles away from home.  Oh and having preemies  Details!

Unfortunately, I let my guard down the day I hit 32 weeks and had an uncomfortable few hours of braxton hicks that scared the ever loving sh*t out of me.  Not today!  I kept screaming.  I have too much laundry to do!  And I haven't caught up on Downton Abbey yet!

So, I'm taking it very easy from here on out.  Mama needs to make it through Christmas dang it!

But first, Thanksgiving!

Addie's class put together a Thanksgiving feast for the parents.  Cue me sobbing into my turkey soup, and squeezing Addie so hard she told me I was sort of squishing her.

Josh took the girls on a Thanksgiving Day sled ride.
They could have gone all day!

We went to a wedding and the girls were a huge hit.
Tula somehow talked half the guests into showing her the pictures on their phone.  Girlfriend is persuasive.

My tiny photobomber!  She is so darling I can't stand that face!

Addie is doing magic on her snow mountain, in a summer dress, and a sweater I had to bribe her to wear.  "Elsa doesn't wear a sweater mom!"  Elsa doesn't do a lot of things!  When you can freeze the sweater from my hands we'll talk.

The second Thanksgiving dinner was done we put up the Christmas stuff.  And you can't tell from this picture, but my dad made a star for our tree like the one we had when we were kids.  It's red and green lights that alternate going back and forth and the circuit board is right on the front, exposed on purpose.  It sounds weird, but it is quite possibly the best gift I have ever, ever received.  My heart is bursting with childhood memories.

Just a few more weeks.  We can make it.  We WILL make it.  I don't have this stubborn Atha blood for no reason.  If it can't work to keep babies in your womb 'til the new year what good is it?!

Friday, November 21, 2014

Hot Pocket

Someone at the library the other day told me she was so jealous, that she really wants like, six kids.  It's always people with only one child, by the way, that says this to me.  And I was all, yes - kids are miracles and I'm totally blessed.  But also...

I love Jim Gaffigan.  He has five kids in a two bedroom apartment in New York.  The diagrams of how they put the kids to bed is worth buying his book Dad Is Fat.  

I'm really trying to soak up the ease of having only two kids right now.  Because although it is hard and demanding, I KNOW it's easier than having four.  Especially when two of those four are the exact same age and newborns.  And my girls, while handfuls, are totally wonderful and great right now.  They play together, they laugh together, they love to hold hands and go running down the hall screaming "Hurry!  THE BABIES ARE COMING!  HIIIIIIDDDDDEEEEE!" and then Tula goes slamming into the doorway because Addie didn't leave enough room for her to run in yet she's still trying to drag Tula's limp, not-yet-sobbing-because-she-doesn't- have-her-breath-back body through the door so they can hide from the terrifying babies and I'm all, "Stop trying to kill your sister!" and she's all, "Mom!  We're playing!" and then suddenly Tula is back on her feet giggling, because she's my warrior daughter, and they go running the other way down the hall away from the babies, and BAM! someone hits a different doorway and I really need to teach them how to play without holding hands until they can be gentle about it.

And I love them so much.  And I'm so excited to have these boys but I'm equally sad about not being able to give my girls the same amount of attention.  It's the same feelings I had when I was pregnant with Addie.  I was so worried I wasn't going to be able to love her as much or give her as much of my time, and of course that was true and it wasn't.  I loved her even more, because you can't stop yourself, the older they get you love them more, but I also couldn't give her as much of my time but that turned out to be ok because she was growing and didn't need me every second anymore.  And now she had Tula.  And they are great.  And they fight.  But they are fantastic together.

Stolen cupcakes. Sitting by the front door is their first hiding spot.  They're not the sneakiest.

And then they show me the stolen goods.   At least I don't have to worry about a life of crime from these two.

Thirty weeks and two days.  I'm growing by the second.

Speaking of getting caught - Tula got caught with Cheetos.  Evidence being the bright orange paste all over her face and all the furniture.

And then she mocks me with her chipmunk orange smile.

Oh in case you wondered what compression socks look like, this is it.  It's not a good look with shorts.

Addie will only wear pjs right now.  

Unless it's this shirt.

Tula shopping.  She is so ridiculously cute.

Friday, November 14, 2014

30 Weeks! WHAT!

I'll be 30 weeks tomorrow!  That's a lot of weeks! Which means I officially cannot find my vagina anymore.  No one knows where it is, or if it even exists anymore.  I had to pee in a cup at that doctor's yesterday and just sort of held the cup where I hoped things would come out and I was very wrong.  Very, very wrong.  All I know is that there's a lot of weird stuff going on down there and I'm very glad I have a new keep-your-eyes-closed-during-romance-times rule because, no.  I mean I'm all about women's bodies are beautiful and amazing, and you should embrace the glow of pregnancy but just not for myself.  Not when there's varicose veins mapping a highway of fun wherever they please.

That face is exactly how I feel.  Glad the babies are healthy and gigantic, not glad I can actually hear my muscles crying.

So, thirty weeks.  In twin world there's not like ten more, there's a handful.  Luckily, since I'm stubborn that means at least six more.  We're making it past Christmas dang it!  My doctor just nodded and said "Good plan, I like it," when I told her about that yesterday.  She is very kind, and very quick to not make fun of me for anything I am worried about.  Seriously, if you want to have a baby I highly suggest you have one in Bozeman.  The doctors are amazing and kind and still continue to keep me as a patient despite the fact they have read my blog.  Which I discovered when she was printing out pictures of the boys - all of them being shots where the boys were prominently holding or showing off their penises - and she said, "I thought you might like some fodder. . . for your blog." and then smiled.  And then I turned beet red and babbled about pizza or something else, because I am always embarrassed when I find out people read this.  I mean, that's the point right?  Yes, and I love it.  But I am also nervous because that's how I roll!

But you have to be ok with being close to your doctor, you know why?  She's gonna have her hands all up in you to the elbow no matter what.  And buying her a drink first would just be weird.


Other things happened recently!  My mom and Eduardo came to visit and hit just about the most perfect Halloween weather ever in Montana.  It was actually warm.  And gorgeous.  And just a last bit of joy before real Montana weather hit.


Reading time!  Tula was a bee for Halloween, I don't just go around dressing her like a vibrant convict.

Oh yeah, and then this weather happened.  Because here we go from the 60's to the negatives over night.  Jump right in to winter, don't think you get to ease into it.  Easing is for babies.  But not Montana babies, because Montana babies are made of steel and rawhide.

Addie got new snow stuff!  
And yes I let her wear pjs to Target, and preschool but I was still in mine, so I couldn't really say anything.  Plus she's adorable.  I mean, whatever, wear pjs to your own wedding girlfriend!  You're gorge!

Tula also loves Target!  Because she's my blood!

Friday, October 24, 2014

26 Weeks!

So, I'm 26 weeks now!  And according to the internet the average weeks twins are born is 35, which is only NINE WEEKS AWAY.  Eight weeks and a few days if we're being technical, which we should be because holy f-ing shit Batman, eight weeks in having a baby land is VERY, VERY SOON.  I mean, that's December 20th people.  DECEMBER 20TH!  (all caps because THAT'S HOW MY BRAIN IS SHOUTING RIGHT NOW)  

I, however, have decided they will not be born until at least January 5th.  A solid 37 weeks.  That is what is happening.  Don't you dare try to tell me otherwise, or this pregnant lady will cut a bitch.

26 weeks!

Also, I am surrounded by very kind people who keep telling me I look good, and don't even look pregnant with twins, which is very nice of them.  But I have a feeling they might be saying that due to things like the previous "I will cut a bitch" statement, because I am a lot bigger than I was pregnant with just one.

For comparison here's me (again) at 26 weeks with the twin boys...

26 with twins

And then here's me at 39 weeks with Tula.

Same size at 39 weeks!  What!

I feel big.  Which is fine.  I wanna be big.  Fat babies are happy babies.  That's science.

I'll be big as long as these boys get their feet out of my ribs.  That is not a comfortable place to house your feet Matt and Damon!  I swear it's like they're trying to backwards climb out through my throat.  And despite the fact I'm not thrilled about the two of them coming out through my (extremely unrecognizable at this point) vagina either (not that I would 'recognize' it.  I don't like, keep a photo album of it or anything, like some creepy prom porn movie beginning.  I just mean, things are weird down there), I'd much rather them come out the normal way than try to figure out an alternate route.

Addie is scared about it too!

Last hike I'll probably be on until next summer.  I've benched myself from hiking due to babies spreading my pelvis!  Yay bodies!