Because. . . . BECAUSE. . . . We had quite the little surprise about two months ago. Two little surprises to be more specific.
I don't even need to say it do I? You've all figured it out because you're smart and went to college, and even if you didn't go to college you're probably way smarter than me, so you totally figured it out (you also figured out that while I'm saddled with student loans akin to the national debt, you are debt free and still smarter than me. Thanks for rubbing it in!)
In case you haven't figured it out, here's Addie to explain it to you:
So, yeah. Go ahead. Say it.
7 weeks and teeny tiny little tiny tines. Two of them. In my womb. AT THE SAME TIME.
Not that you need a ton of details, but these babies are little miracles that want to be here, and so it shall be. We were not trying for another. We were actually using protection, so when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.
And Josh was like, Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.
When I saw the pink line I was like, Well I'm not going to tell Josh yet. Clearly this isn't real. I'll just wait and see if anything else pregnant-y happens.
And then four seconds later I was like, "Honey. HONEY! Wake up."
"Are you awake?"
"Yes you just woke me up."
"Ok, well I'm pregnant. Look at this." And then I shoved the pregnancy test in his face so close it was like I was trying to make him eat it.
After a while when we both stopped gaping at each other Josh was like, "Why'd you even take a test in the first place!?!" As if that's what made me pregnant. According to his 6am shocked logic if you don't take a test, you can't really be pregnant. Clearly, he has not watched enough TLC. Women be having babies all over the place without knowing it.
So, then we got used to the idea of a third. We kinda always wanted three, we said! We both came from a family with three kids, we've got this, we said! How hard can one more be, we said!
And then, came the doctors appointment.
Dun, dun, duuuuuuuun!
We took the girls with us, because we thought it would be fun for them to see the baby, and Addie got a little freaked out about me being draped and prodded so she climbed onto the table with me and snuggled in for the vaginal ultrasound. Cuddly! Tula and Josh sat right next to us watching on. It was a very close moment, especially when the doctor took a long time before saying anything, and then went, "Huh."
And I internally went, "Don't say 'huh'! What does 'huh' mean! Did you find a new kind of Aspen or something in my uterus? Does the baby remind you of someone you dated? DON'T SAY 'HUH'!"
And then I realized I wasn't breathing.
And she said, "Well, you guys are really fertile," and with that, turned the screen toward us and there they were, two little babies with two little heads and two little bodies and two little strong, gorgeous heartbeats right next to each other.
And I still wasn't breathing.
Because, I mean. Two. Two babies. At once.
Unfortunately the side effect of having twins, is having double the morning sickness and boy has that beast reared it's ugly head. I have never hugged a toilet as much as I have hugged this one. Not even when I was in grad school and thought I was majoring in whiskey.
But I'm almost twelve weeks now, and I'm hoping that means I'm almost done with the horribleness that is feeling like you're on a roller coaster that never stops and you ate way too much cotton candy and fake cheese nachos right before you got on.
And in between puking I am feeling so incredibly. . . everything. Joy, happiness, fear, anxiety, wisdom, womanhood, strength, passion, thankfulness, calm, and storm.
I can do this.
We can do this.
But I'm still not really breathing yet.