Monday, August 25, 2014

Tell Him About The Twinkie

Three things Josh has said to me (in total seriousness) in the last twenty four hours which are making me question my decision to . . . lots of things with him.  Among them: bear children, and live with.

 "I really like the way short shorts look on my body."
He said putting on shorts shorter than I have ever worn.

"Mmmmm.  Mmmm hmmm.  So, good."
He mumbled (to himself) about the eggs he had just made himself.  This may not seem like such a crime, but like he was in love with the cooking he had done for himself, so much so that he would not stop talking to himself about how good it was.  Not in a way to be humorous, he didn't know I was listening in, but simply because he had astounded himself.

"I have never seen Ghostbusters."

That last one speaks for itself.  Who's never seen Ghostbusters?!  (probably my friend Alex, but that's because she's Romanian and has never seen anything but all the National Lampoon's Vacation movies, despite the fact she's been in the U.S. since she was 3 years old.)  Ghostbusters was only like one of the best movies of our time!  I'm still afraid Sigourney Weaver is going to be hovering above a bed when I walk into strange rooms.

Speaking of supernatural forces, Tula is turning out to be quite the little demon.

In a good way!

I seriously have never seen a happier baby in my life.  And she's always been that way.  She came out of the womb smiling.  It made waking up in the middle of the night with her so much easier because she was always happy to be awake, and she's just as happy now that she's 15 months old.  However, she's also discovered screaming.  And the word "no".  Her personality goes from ecstatic to screaming banshee in about .0789 seconds.  As much as she is gloriously thrilled to be alive, she can also be a total jackal if she can't have that piece of apple RIGHTTHISFINGSECOND!  Then as soon as you hand it to her, she's all smiles and sunshine again.

She's like a little traveling, two foot circus. (of terror).  Just kidding.  (of joy).  (and of screams).

And she's fantastic.

Man they kill me with their darlingness.
This is about two seconds before Tula screamed "No!" shoved Addie out of the way and started hauling ass toward the ravine.  A minute later Addie tackled her to the ground and they were both giggling again.  Chase and Crush is their new favorite game.

Happy because she just woke up.

Happy because she saw Mama was still here.  She turned away long enough to grab her blankie and was thrilled I had not vanished into thin air.

Happy she has a tongue.

Happy because the dog sneezed.

This one is blurry because it caught the exact moment she goes from happy to homicidal because I didn't pour her milk fast enough!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

17 Weeks

I keep forgetting to take pictures because I"ve been so sick, I can really only remember to feed my kids (sometimes), but I have been  puke free for eleven whole days now!  ELEVEN!  It's like a Christmas miracle.  I don't mean to whine, but throwing up and being nauseous all day for about three months is really shitty.  You know that myth about pregnant women losing weight in the beginning?  It's not a myth people.  I could barely hold down a single bite of banana.  I have no right to complain, I'm pregnant, not on chemo, not suffering from some horrible disease, but still it was not fun, and I am so grateful to be (hopefully) out of the zone of morning sickness that every day is like a ray of sunshine!  I mean, it's summer, so it literally is all rays of sunshine, but still!  Yay no more puking!

Here's the baby bump at thirteen weeks:

How are there two of them in there?

Well, in the eleven days since I've not thrown up, I've also got my appetite back in full force.  I pretty much have to eat a double serving of everything and then again an hour later.  Good thing Josh was already used to me eating in bed because now at about 10pm I bolt out of bed and rush to make myself a bagel and cream cheese and a bowl of chips before I die of starvation.

It seems to be helping things grow in there.  17 weeks:

There they are!

Oh, hello belly button.  Please don't get any more sticky out-y or I will be forced to tape you down.

Oh, and I took the poll's advice and decided to grow my hair out.  It's a slow painful process, but in the meantime I also think I'm going to stop straightening it.  Ain't nobody got 30 minutes to do their hair everyday.  Who's gonna see me that I need to spend that much time on my hair?  My kids.  You know what they care about?  Cupcakes.  That's about it.

Oh, also Addie cares about looking like a princess.  All. The. Time.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014


We've been camping a few times this summer, which has been surprisingly awesome.  The girls love it and I love it so much I daydream about when we can do it again, not because I'm Mrs. NatureGirl.  Hardly.  But it's the one time our family spends three whole days together with no cell phones, no internet, no tv, no electronics at all - and we all end up having a blast.  (It's also the only time my loving partner can relax and not get all antsy, because you know what there is for him to fix around the house?  NOTHING.  Because we're not in a house.  Sure, he spends a weird amount of time gathering and reorganizing the fire wood situation (at one point I thought he might try to build us a log cabin) but otherwise I can actually see him taking a deep breath and letting his angst out and it is wonderful.)

So, for Addie's birthday we joined the sister and brother-in-law and their adorable baby for a camping trip by the river, and this is her happy face when we got her in the car and told her we were camping.

Sneakily excited because she knows she's about to get really, really dirty and sticky.  Somehow s'mores end up everywhere but in her mouth and like a week later I'll find melted marshmallow in my bra.

Tula does not wear clothes when we camp, she likes to get down with nature.  Except she still wears a diaper because homegirl will poop anywhere you're trying to stand.

This was our campsite.  So gorgeous!  However, I do not recommend camping by a river with a 15 month walker.  All she wanted to do was go headfirst into the water so there was never a second of peace.  There was one time where I took my eyes off her for 30 seconds to help set up the tent and when I looked up no one could find her and I swear to God I have never run or yelled so fast in my entire life.  I was like a drill sergeant yelling out orders, "Josh look behind those trees, Addie find your sister, Christina oh my god, Andy get in the water there, I'm jumping in here EVERYBODY MOVE RIGHT NOW BEFORE MY HEART EXPLODES!" I have never been so terrified in such a short amount of time.  Luckily right before I dove into the river in all my clothes Tula came strolling by us out of NOWHERE.  The girl might be a witch.

Taking a stroll together.  Melting hearts everywhere.

This is by far my favorite picture ever taken.  
Tula's about to eat that rock she's holding, Addie's disgusted things are taking so long as I am so happy to be out and practicing swinging my locks for my upcoming Pantene hair commercial aimed at pregnant, unshowered women everywhere.


Me and the birthday girl at 6am.  
What's a blog for if I can't post horrifying pictures of myself?

Tula relaxing with her dad.

The kids decided they had to sit on the raft the entire time Uncle Andy was trying to pump it up.  They're very helpful.

Headed right for the water.  *sigh*

So, we might have one or two more camping weekends this summer left in us, and I can't wait.  I will however be outfitting my children in full floating gear even if we camp in the desert.  You never know what Tula will find when left to her own devices.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Three Years Old

Three years ago today I gave birth to this teeny, tiny, gorgeous, skinny little baby who changed my life for the incredible!

You might not know us well enough to know this, but this was one of the best days we've ever had in our entire lives.  Those smiles are beams. This is about two hours after she was born and I could not stop smiling and hugging everyone and saying thank you to people passing by, because I mean, the joy. . . there's so much thanks to be given.  And gratefulness.  And happiness.  And sickly sweet everything.


So, anyway.  Today is Adeline's birthday, and just when you think things could not get cuter or better, they do, and just when you think you couldn't love them anymore, you do.  

Yes, sometimes you also want to sell them on the black market because they're literally making you pull your hair out and are pretty sure now you'll never get out of therapy, but is it worth it?  Yes.  

Because of morning and smiling faces like this:

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Like Our Own Doublemint Commercial In Training

Ok, it's been two months.  I'm sorry.  Normally this is where I insert some excuse about being busy, and blah, blah, blah, but that was all hooey.  Nothing is as good an excuse for not blogging than what I have got going on now.

Because. . . . BECAUSE. . . . We had quite the little surprise about two months ago.  Two little surprises to be more specific.

That's right!

I don't even need to say it do I?  You've all figured it out because you're smart and went to college, and even if you didn't go to college you're probably way smarter than me, so you totally figured it out (you also figured out that while I'm saddled with student loans akin to the national debt, you are debt free and still smarter than me.  Thanks for rubbing it in!)

In case you haven't figured it out, here's Addie to explain it to you:

 So, yeah.  Go ahead.  Say it.

Amy's pregnant!


7 weeks and teeny tiny little tiny tines.  Two of them.  In my womb.  AT THE SAME TIME.

Not that you need a ton of details, but these babies are little miracles that want to be here, and so it shall be.  We were not trying for another.  We were actually using protection, so when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

And Josh was like, Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

When I saw the pink line I was like, Well I'm not going to tell Josh yet.  Clearly this isn't real.  I'll just wait and see if anything else pregnant-y happens.  

And then four seconds later I was like, "Honey.  HONEY!  Wake up."


"Are you awake?"

"Yes you just woke me up."

"Ok, well I'm pregnant.  Look at this."  And then I shoved the pregnancy test in his face so close it was like I was trying to make him eat it.

After a while when we both stopped gaping at each other Josh was like, "Why'd you even take a test in the first place!?!" As if that's what made me pregnant.  According to his 6am shocked logic if you don't take a test, you can't really be pregnant.  Clearly, he has not watched enough TLC.  Women be having babies all over the place without knowing it.

So, then we got used to the idea of a third.  We kinda always wanted three, we said!  We both came from a family with three kids, we've got this, we said!  How hard can one more be, we said!

And then, came the doctors appointment.

Dun, dun, duuuuuuuun!

We took the girls with us, because we thought it would be fun for them to see the baby, and Addie got a little freaked out about me being draped and prodded so she climbed onto the table with me and snuggled in for the vaginal ultrasound.  Cuddly!  Tula and Josh sat right next to us watching on.  It was a very close moment, especially when the doctor took a long time before saying anything, and then went, "Huh."

And I internally went, "Don't say 'huh'!  What does 'huh' mean!  Did you find a new kind of Aspen or something in my uterus?  Does the baby remind you of someone you dated?  DON'T SAY 'HUH'!"  

And then I realized I wasn't breathing.

And she said, "Well, you guys are really fertile," and with that, turned the screen toward us and there they were, two little babies with two little heads and two little bodies and two little strong, gorgeous heartbeats right next to each other.

And I still wasn't breathing.

Because, I mean.  Two.  Two babies.  At once.

Baby A

Baby B

Unfortunately the side effect of having twins, is having double the morning sickness and boy has that beast reared it's ugly head.  I have never hugged a toilet as much as I have hugged this one.  Not even when I was in grad school and thought I was majoring in whiskey.

But I'm almost twelve weeks now, and I'm hoping that means I'm almost done with the horribleness that is feeling like you're on a roller coaster that never stops and you ate way too much cotton candy and fake cheese nachos right before you got on.

And in between puking I am feeling so incredibly. . . everything.  Joy, happiness, fear, anxiety, wisdom, womanhood, strength, passion, thankfulness, calm, and storm.

I can do this.

We can do this.

But I'm still not really breathing yet.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Shining Gleaming Steaming Flaxen Waxen

So, it's that time again when I have to make a very important decision.

About my hair.

(Cue Josh crying/breaking things in the corner because if he has to hear about my hair one more time I'm pretty sure he's just gonna shave it off in my sleep.) (And then we'll be twinsies!)

You all remember last time things got weird.  Oh, what?  You don't?  Here's a little reminder.

And I thought I was in the clear, but then today when I got home from seeing everyone I've ever known, I looked in the mirror and thought, "Why is Albert Einstein smiling at me like that?"

Turns out it was me.

Here's the thing - I'm very indecisive.  Like, VERY indecisive.  I'm still not sure about Addie's name remaining Adeline.  I've always liked Constance.  And what sort of dessert should I have usually ends up like this:

"Ice cream.  No, wait, Oreos."  *takes a bite of an Oreo* "Nope, ice cream."  *scoops heaps of ice cream into bowl. Re-thinks ice cream and eats a whole Oreo, but does so very slowly so that can decide if Oreo is actually delicious.* "Is not delicious!  Ice cream it is!"  *takes bite of ice cream. Ice cream seems really cold.  Like, unnaturally cold.  Maybe does not even have flavor because it's too cold?  Why would I ever choose ice cream!  Is nasty, cold stuff that's not a solid really and is not a liquid, is weird blubbery cold stuff that doesn't even taste like anything!*  "Oreos all night!"  *Eats another Oreo, very slowly again.  Now Oreo has no flavor.  How can this be? Did taste buds die?  Are they frozen?* "Can I even talk??"  *Determines talking ability still functional.  Runs tongue under warm water to help thaw them.  Wonder why doesn't run tongue under relaxing warm water more often.  Is really joyous feeling.  Should market tongue running treatment at a spa and make millions!* "Ice cream then. Followed by a tongue sink bath."  *Eats bite of ice cream.  Then bite of Oreo.  Appears they have better flavor if you eat them at the same time.*

*Nine minutes later entire pint of ice cream and box of Oreos is gone.  Dessert indecision only leads to eating all the desserts.* 

*Runs tongue under warm water for cleansing.  Must get it prepared for the after dessert salt treat - Cheetos.*

The point is I can be indecisive.  So I've decided to leave it up to you guys and have made a poll!  For my hair!


Feel free to vote however you'd like.  It's all anonymous (though Mom and Tiana I know how you guys are going to vote, and you just cancel each other out, so there's that.  the only time you guys ever agreed on my hair was for Tiana's wedding and we all know how that turned out.)

Yeah, that mane is natural.  And about to eat the bride.

Here's some pictures of short hair to help refresh your memory:

And here's some long:

(yes this was 10 years ago, but I'm pretty sure I still look 24)  (in my heart)

Pretty sure this was the night I got pregnant.
You're all welcome for that info.

None of these girls is the father.

Pregnant long hair still counts as long hair.

Hair Poll Time! free polls 

Oh and here's some of the kids.  Cuz they be cute.



Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Singing In The Rain, At The Park, In The Bath, During Dinner, At Midnight When She Should Be Asleep

Oh my god you guys, Addie is really into singing right now.  And not like, "Oh she knows the ABC's how cute!" But like, "Oh, this is awkward."

Because she has moved on from cute children's songs to sad ballads.  And she does so completely tone deaf.  Much to the dissapointment of all who encounter her.

Today at the park, the very crowded, full of other humans with ears park, she began singing one of her sad ballads at the top of her lungs, and did not stop FOR THIRTY MINUTES.  She sang on the slide, she sang on the bridge, she sang when she tripped on fake dinosaur bones, "Annnnnd the salad!  I hurt my knee and I can't go oooooooooooon!  The salad and the swings and I said NO NAP TIME anymooooooooooore!"

And it's so darling.  It really is.

For about two minutes, and then you wish you had brought ear plugs with you.

And I say that in the most loving way, because I'm so happy she likes singing and is creative enough to try to come up with her own songs at just two and a half years old.  I'm no scientist (unlike my claim in my last post) but I really think this is a good thing - her singing songs.  And I don't want her to stop.  I just want her to not do it when anyone is awake.


Sort of.

I'm torn.  I love it and I wish it was a little quieter.  Even her father, King of Loud, has talks with her about how maybe she can tone it down a little?  Maybe?  Quiet voices?  No, you want to blast us with that one note about Tinkerbell wearing lipstick?  Ok, go ahead.

Unfotunately, I haven't been able to capture the real impassioned lyrics, but here's a little sample from the other morning.  Note, she's so moved by her own singing she has to hold onto the floor to contain her emotion.

Tula and her cousin James also like to get down to music.  They will one day be her back up dancers.