Doctor's Visits

Now that she's walking we cannot get that little girl to stop.  Even when I put her in her crib for a nap she stands right up and has to do laps in it before she collapses into a heap from total walking exhaustion.  Last night she found a roll of toilet paper and decided to walk it around the house, like it was her pet or something.  She took that think from room to room at least a dozen times all extremely serious about the whole thing.  Like, "Ok toilet paper, this is mom and dad's room. This is their bathroom.  This is the kitchen. OH MY GOSH!  I almost forgot!  This is the closet!  That was a close one.  Ok, continuing on..."  She wanted to take the toilet paper into the bathtub with her but I assured her that would end the tour forever.

This is typically what she looks like all the time:

Just a giant blur.  I feel like if she stops I won't even recognize her anymore.  

Also, we just had her one year shots and check up! (Yeah we're running a little late here - someone got hit by a car people, give me a break.) (Yeah that was like a month after I made the appointment late but still.)  She's in the 91st percentile for height, the 73rd for weight, and about the same for her head.  And then they brought in the shots.  I'm not squeamish at all about that stuff.  Like, I'll watch them draw my blood, needle going in and all, and will have no problems with it, but when the nurse brought in the shots for Adeline I almost lost my shit.  I wanted to swipe everything off the counter while screaming, "DON'T TOUCH MY BABY WITH THAT NEEDLE YOU MONSTER!!!!"  Sometimes that mommy-instinct thing kicks in at the weirdest times.  She can put seven little rocks in her mouth and I'm totally cool, but a nurse coming in to do her job and I nearly murder someone.  But I didn't.  I held it together.  And Addie screamed her head off until the nurse showed her a lollipop and then her head exploded with happiness.   She's never had a sucker before, and oh my gosh was she in heaven.

Sticky, sticky, gross, sticky heaven.

And because of the sucker we started brushing her teeth!  Which she loves!

Even if she is drunk while doing it.

Beyond Glad Everything Is Ok

So, I meant to write the other day but then the father of my child got hit by a car while riding his bike.

Yeah.

HIT BY A CAR.

He's ok, everything is fine.  But we're all on a lot of pain meds and we've spent enough time in the ER to last us forever.

Emotions and logic are really weird, because as soon as I saw he was ok and alive I was so mad I could have killed him.  Mad because how dare he scare us and get in a situation where we might not . . . whatever.  You know what I mean.  It may seem illogical to get mad at someone who has just been run over, but you don't have a baby with them.  Talk to me when that happens.  Once you have a baby with someone you're allowed to be mad at them for all kinds of irrational things.  The blankets are one the bed the wrong way.  Socks should not be put away inside out.  And no getting HIT BY CARS.  Love is a tricky emotion people.

Anyway, to lighten the mood this is the video I showed him in the ER.  We watched it many times.

Catch Up

I went to the store today and bought some lipstick.  I haven't worn lipstick since 1997, and now I know why.  I was walking down the makeup aisle when I noticed Adeline had something in her mouth so big she could barely close her lips, and her hands were already reaching for something else. I think this is a baby form of shoplifting, putting things in your mouth.  It's very juvenile.  You can't steal anything good in your mouth, baby!  Use some imagination!

Anyway, after a big struggle I got the thing out of her mouth and it was a cherry red lipstick, and I thought, "Huh.  Maybe I should wear lipstick!" So, I paid for it (trying to set an example here) and put it on.  It looked good in the car but inside - inside I look like a transvestite. 

And that's why I don't wear lipstick.  Because somehow eye makeup is ok, but lipstick makes me look like a  cheap tranny about to do an awful rendition of It's Raining Men for the early bird diners.  Even Addie wouldn't let me hold her while I had it on.

Anyway, that shit's getting returned.    

So, I'm back on the regular posting.  I promise.  For a quick update here's the quick details:

Adeline got chubby, dropped out of rehab and is hanging out with Lindsey Lohan.

(Just kidding, but that picture cracks me up so much.  She looks like a Belushi.)

Someone started walking all over the place!  Girlfriend will be hanging out with me and then two seconds later is across the house dropping our toothbrushes in the toilet.  Mobility is fun!

I don't know if you can see it in this picture, but the lady got totally nailed by the cat on the forehead. The scratch was sort of in the shape of a lightening bolt.  She's like a little Harry Potter.  With less sorcery.

She loves playing at parks! Except in this picture she's asking me to help her out of the tube.  She gets stuck in weird places.  As you can see, she's not actually stuck.  She just thinks she is.  

Ohmygod mawm!  I totally just ate your paperclip!

Someone got sick for the first time.  Like really sick.  High fevers, no eating, the whole deal.  Of course it was the one weekend her father went on a backpacking trip with no cell service.  And then my family came in town to celebrate her birthday.  It was a sad affair.  She spent three days clinging to me.  A sick child is the saddest thing ever.  

And then the fever broke and she got better!  Yay drugs!!

The moral of the story is, don't wear lipstick unless you know you can pull it off.  Lipgloss is fine.  Lipstick though, that makes me look like a carny.