Seven Months!

Adeline is seven months old now!





Or seven months cute!


To celebrate I paraded her around the house on my shoulders. This new move cracks her shit up big time!






When she was born it was 80 degrees outside and I had a tan. Now there's snow halfway up my sliding door and I'm so pale I'm about the color of the outside. That is to say a lot has changed.

Except it hasn't.

But it totally has.

My boyfriend and I have this talk constantly. Since we brought the little lady home our life has definitely changed. No more late nights at the bars just because. No more. . . and that's where we fall short, because aside from both of us being out late at the same time things haven't really changed a whole lot. Except for the fact that they totally have because we have a baby. We just can't remember what it was like before. Which is really nice. Liking where you are.

At seven months we can pretty much take her everywhere. She goes to the hot springs with us every week, we take her out to dinner with us, on walks, to the store, to friends houses, to the grandparents, on hikes, on bike rides, on walks in the snow to the mailbox. And she loves it all. She loves being out in the community where she has new things to spit-up on. The other day I took her to the library with me and she left a trail of puke all over the fiction section. Good thing most of those books are covered in plastic and that my sweatshirt doubles as a soaker-up-er.

STATS

Weight: 15 pounds

Height: tall

Hair: Brown and a little reddish

Eyes: Gorgeously blue

Movement: Sitting up by herself! (Until she decides to lunge at something she needs, head-first, and the falls over with a thud) Not making any attempts at crawling. Actively dislikes being on her tummy, unless her Dad is also on his tummy trying to make her laugh, then she'll tolerate it for few minutes. However, will take cute step-like things toward her bouncer if you hold her hands while she's standing. May totally skip crawling and go right for walking. Am buying more wine to cope with this as we speak. Also, still thinks head is primary source of getting-over-there-now-please-get-me-over-there. She will head bonk her way through the air until we bring her to whatever electrical appliance she's in love with that day. Little weirdo.

Sound: Is getting more vocal. Makes da-da sounds mostly. Of course. I'm with her all the livelong day but she's going to say da-da first. Oh child-rearing you cruel mistress! Also, she now fake cries. She scrunches up her face and shuts her eyes and whines, and then opens them to see if we saw her. If we did then she'll stop and wait for us to oblige her by reading her mind. If we don't then she proceeds with more of her faking. Is totally cute. Until it's not.

Food: Still nurses, takes a bottle, and devours any type of mashed baby food we feed her. I could be feeding her mashed charcoal, but as long as it's coming to her on a spoon she wants it.

Schedule: Yes we have one! YAY! (of course the laws of the world will govern that by writing it out loud the schedule I've come to love and adore will cease to exist, and hell on earth will begin again)

However, I will do it anyway! Because I like to test boundaries dang it! And really, this is just for me and so I can look back on it later and say, "Oh yeah, that's what life was like".

Schedule:

7am - wake up, nurse, back to crib for quiet playtime.

8am - real wake up, dad gets her up and dressed. she kills the birds on her mobile. she won't let us take her away from her crib until she's ripped at least two of the birds off the spinning device and thrown them to the floor. we have violent mornings up in here.

9am - breakfast, tiny bottle and some prunes. then it's bouncer time.

10am - nap!

11am - nurse while mommy watches some of her stories. either more bouncing or playmat time or if we're having a fussy day get strapped to mommy in the bjorn and help her clean the hizzouse.

12:30 - lunch, mashed peas bitches.

1pm - nap!

2pm - nurse while mommy uses her free hand to do some accounting work. then it's either playmat, bouncer, or bjorn. we mix it up. then we run errands if the weather doesn't suck too much d.

4pm - nap!

5pm - bottle. dad comes home and riles her up. hands back to me to calm down. takes her again riles her up. hands her back. i immediately hand her back and demand a diaper change so i can pee by myself. usually this is floor play time with dad and mom and dog and cat.

6:30pm - dinner, squash and/or pears. what. then we have play and clean up time while daddy goes and starts work on his second job. general crankiness ensues because it's nighttime. i start to sing a lot of justin beiber and/or selena gomez to quiet her soul.

7:45pm - bathtime, or as i like to call it "see how fast you can drench mommy while simultaneously refuse to let your neck folds get cleaned"

8pm - nurse and fast asleep! Hurrah! Mommy pours herself a gigantic glass of wine and has big plans to do stuff but ends up falling asleep in bed watching tv shows on her laptop until daddy comes to bed and then they both read for a while until it hits the late hour of 10pm and they both fall asleep until sometime in the middle of the night when the cat wakes them up!

REPEAT


{please note this is a general schedule for a day we don't have a doctors appointment, a playdate, a swim lesson, dinner plans, serious errands to run, etc. basically its like one glorious day a week :) }

Easy To Please

If I eat a salad every day for lunch and then follow it up with two Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs, does it make the (probably crack-laden) Easter candy less bad for me?

I'm gonna go with - yes.


Speaking of healthy food...


You can't really tell, but that thing in her hand - it's a carrot. And it is making her day.








She really wants to eat when I'm eating and so I handed her a carrot and she's thrilled. She doesn't understand that she's just gnawing on the carrot, she's not really eating anything, she's totally fooled and it's sort of amazingly cute and slightly worrisome. Like when I was a kid and I got those candy cigarettes and I was pretty much convinced I was really smoking and I thought I was AWESOME. Or later when my mom took away my candy cigarettes and so I had to settle for cutting a straw to look like a cigarette, and I would light it on fire a little at a time and suck in burning plastic and I thought I was really smoking that I was AWESOME. Or the time after that when I'd been grounded for fake smoking again and all the straws had been removed from our home so after school one day I took a piece of lined notebook paper, rolled some of our fresh cut lawn into it and actually smoked that and thought I was AWESOME.

Obsess much?

I was heavily influenced by Stephanie Zinone when I was a child.







Anyway, the carrot filled her with such happiness that I couldn't get her to hold still so I could capture said happiness with my phone.


Here she is shaking with glee.


Luckily I'm sneaky and realized I could stun her with my flash into holding still. MAGIC!




Deer in the headlights. Glee contained for four seconds.

Then unleashed on camera.



Never in my life has an appliance been made out with so hard.

Parenting

Things to remember to teach daughter #87

Before eating an apple remove sticker. Don't just say to self, "Oh look, sticker. Will not remove now. Will stop eating before consume sticker. Am not dumb."

Self is always wrong.





I just looked at the apple core of my snack and realized there had been a sticker on there before I ate it, now. . . sticker is most likely decorating the wall of my stomach along with many other apple stickers, some gum from like 7 years ago, and a note I once ate so no one could read the super secret secrets I had written on it. I was like 8. It was probably something about how I'd just learned the word "butt" was hysterical.

I wonder what else I'm missing while I'm eating.











(almost better than Hammer time)

So Weird

Do you ever find yourself smelling a lot like meat?

I just put Adeline down for a nap and was walking to my office (the room where I watch Hulu) and thought there was a distinct possibility there was a meat smell emanating from under my shirt. Is it possible I dropped some roast beef in there after I had some for breakfast this morning? Yes. So, I checked but no beef in sight. Is it also possible I've been eating so much meat that I now just radiate meaty-ness? Yes. I mean, no. Aside from my roast beef english muffin this morning (clearly mama needs to do the shopping) I don't really eat a lot of meat. If I started to smell of brownies and chips and salsa I would not be surprised, but meat - no.

So, I decided to ignore it and just get down to work (Desperate Housewives) and possibly catch up on some emails (Pretty Little Liars), or maybe write some blogs (Downton Abbey!), but then I lifted my arm and reached out for a pen, and you know when your shirt billows and a little puff of air comes out at you which can be nice when you have a good perfume on, or have just taken a shower but is not good just after a long sweaty run or a night of drinking lots of dark beer and you get the beer sweats? Well, that's what happened only it was a deli smell.

So, for unknown reasons I now smell like a butcher shop.

Except the reasons are not unknown. The reasons were discovered, and they rhyme with Badeline.

That little monster is in a new spitting up phase and she likes to projectile that shit all over me at all times of the day. No outfit is safe, and no exposed skin will be spared. Face included. So, I walk around all day with various shades of puke on me because if I change, she's just gonna ruin that outfit too. And yes, I put bibs on her. I put seven bibs on her a day and that helps with the dribble, but the real problem is the projectileness of her spit ups. Short of putting a fully enclosed muzzle on her there's nothing I can do to spare the world her vomit.

Thank you baby, for making me confused about why I smell like an old ham sandwich!

The good news is in her swim class she just pukes in the pool and we can quickly swim away from it like nothing happened! Yay water!



Gorge, even after spitting up on the floaty toys.





"Mom I spit up over here ok? I swim and spit over here!"




"These breath mints are too big."

Mini Snooki

So my mom and E just came out for a short visit and it was so fun!




Related.


Adeline was thrilled to have more faces to try to pull off. Not only that but her head-bonking has now extended beyond the thermostat, and has moved on to humans which is sort of a relief. When we picked them up at the airport the first thing she did was try to leap out of my arms head first into their heads. When I told them what she was trying to do they lightly bonked her forehead and she looked up at them thrilled that they finally did what she was asking.

She's a weird kid yo.




"I need to bonk the camera!"

Speaking of weird, she's at a phase now (not weird) where she wants to eat when we're eating and put everything into her mouth. But since she has no teeth, nor the ability to do anything but move things around with her tongue she's not allowed to eat our food which tends to piss her off. At lunch today all she wanted to do was get her hand on my gyro, and that little sucker is strong and determined. Luckily my mom was there and she mentioned I loved pickles when I was little and maybe I should let her have my pickle. I was like, "No way she's gonna go for that." And my mom was all, "You did." And I'm all, "Well clearly I was a weird baby." And then we both watched her head-bonk the menu.

So we tried it.

Attempt #1



That's me looking at my mom unconvinced, and Addie looking unconvinced with me.

She paused for a second, made a face, and then went back in.

Attempt #2



Liked it a whole lot.

Attempt #3



"CAN'T SMILE, MUST CHEW PICKLE. PICKLES FOR LIFE!"


She gummed the whole thing til it was gone.

My little whacko.

I Hate When That Happens