Wednesday, March 7, 2012

So Weird

Do you ever find yourself smelling a lot like meat?

I just put Adeline down for a nap and was walking to my office (the room where I watch Hulu) and thought there was a distinct possibility there was a meat smell emanating from under my shirt. Is it possible I dropped some roast beef in there after I had some for breakfast this morning? Yes. So, I checked but no beef in sight. Is it also possible I've been eating so much meat that I now just radiate meaty-ness? Yes. I mean, no. Aside from my roast beef english muffin this morning (clearly mama needs to do the shopping) I don't really eat a lot of meat. If I started to smell of brownies and chips and salsa I would not be surprised, but meat - no.

So, I decided to ignore it and just get down to work (Desperate Housewives) and possibly catch up on some emails (Pretty Little Liars), or maybe write some blogs (Downton Abbey!), but then I lifted my arm and reached out for a pen, and you know when your shirt billows and a little puff of air comes out at you which can be nice when you have a good perfume on, or have just taken a shower but is not good just after a long sweaty run or a night of drinking lots of dark beer and you get the beer sweats? Well, that's what happened only it was a deli smell.

So, for unknown reasons I now smell like a butcher shop.

Except the reasons are not unknown. The reasons were discovered, and they rhyme with Badeline.

That little monster is in a new spitting up phase and she likes to projectile that shit all over me at all times of the day. No outfit is safe, and no exposed skin will be spared. Face included. So, I walk around all day with various shades of puke on me because if I change, she's just gonna ruin that outfit too. And yes, I put bibs on her. I put seven bibs on her a day and that helps with the dribble, but the real problem is the projectileness of her spit ups. Short of putting a fully enclosed muzzle on her there's nothing I can do to spare the world her vomit.

Thank you baby, for making me confused about why I smell like an old ham sandwich!

The good news is in her swim class she just pukes in the pool and we can quickly swim away from it like nothing happened! Yay water!

Gorge, even after spitting up on the floaty toys.

"Mom I spit up over here ok? I swim and spit over here!"

"These breath mints are too big."

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