Friday, June 17, 2011

Pregnancy Brain

A text I just got from my sister:

"Note to self: if a pregnant lady asks you: What did your doctor say? what she really means is: What did you have for lunch?"

So apparently Pregnancy Brain is not a myth. All of my friends and family members who have had babies said that once they got pregnant they immediately forgot things, couldn't remember things, and generally had a hard time functioning without a periodic blank stare into space. I thought they were just a collective group of exaggerators all sent to make me feel better because the first few months I could not take a shower without halfway through going, "Wait, did I just wash my hair or my face? How long have I been in here? Have I washed anything?!?!"

And it just gets worse.

The other day I was trying to explain to my Partner's parents where he went camping and all I could come up with was, "It's far away. I think. It's either in Northern Montana, or maybe it's in Wyoming."

"What was it called?"

"Something about . . . oh wait I know this . . . It has to do with that movie. . . with the bad guys. . . with the guy who was Batman and he also played the blind guy . . . but not those movies it was a shooting movie . . . in the west. . . I think it was called. . . Bad guys. Something about bad guys."

For the record it had nothing to do with "bad guys" or even Val Kilmer which was who I was trying to describe, but try telling my brain that.

Then yesterday my sister called and told me she went to lunch, and instead of asking her what she ate I very clearly said, "What did your doctor say?" which caused a lot of confusion on both our parts. Hers because she had no idea what I was talking about, and mine because I couldn't figure out why she couldn't understand my simple question!

On top of all that fun, remember when I pulled my downstairs? Turns out I didn't strain anything at all. Instead what happened is my body produced too much of this relaxing hormone all preggo women get and my ligaments and pubic symphisis (the bones and muscles of my pelvis) are slowly separating out of place so that it hurts like white hot fire when I try to do something silly like put on a sock! Or sit down! Or watch Real Housewives of New York! (That actually hurts my brain, but I thought I'd include it just in case it has something to do with my pelvis)

Anyway, my doctor assures me this is not uncommon, a good percentage of pregnant women get this, and there is a cure. Well thank goodness Dr! Let me have it! Let's cure this S.O.B!

The cure is called: Giving birth.

Uh, what now?

Yeah, apparently there's nothing you can do except avoid painful movements (sneezing) (and all other things) and then once you have the baby everything magically goes back into place, bones realign, ligaments stop relaxing.

Basically the cure is magic. Pelvic magic.

So, if you need me I'll be the girl on the couch talking gibberish and wincing anytime she has to put socks on. I LOVE BEING PREGNANT!

(actually I do. I really don't mind any of it. You could dip my undercarriage in lava if you wanted, I'd still love it all. See - pregnancy brain. It's works in all sort of crazy good ways.)

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