I'm A Real Boy!

Well, I just turned the corner into the kitchen to find Henry repeatedly slapping Luke across the face with uncooked bacon while Tula sqautted naked over the heating vent to "warm up her pee-pee", and Adeline just stood by sucking her thumb watching the whole thing unfold while standing in the bucket of dirty water I'd left out after I mopped the floors, shaking her head like, "These kids are out of control."

Does anyone with more than one kid not walk into stuff like this? This is normal right? I mean, since winter hit my kids' Weirdo Levels have really shot through the roof. They are constantly finding new things to jump off of, and they can't stop themselves from doing things like putting on every single piece of clothing they own and walking around like puffy, tiny little Joeys in that one episode of Friends.

So, we got stuff figured out.

Luke thought the bacon smacking was hilarious especially after the dog got involved, so I let it continue until all the raw bacon had been eaten and the babies had been sufficiently licked clean. Less work for me.

Tula was schooled on the fact that her pee-pee was already warm enough and if she ever actually peed in anything not a toilet she'd be sold to the first gypsies I could find. The she smiled. A scary smile. There's pee somewhere in my house isn't there?

And Adeline was told that standing in dirty floor water was not the same as having a pedicure, despite the fact that she is still fairly sure I'm wrong.

I feel like that scene from Pinocchio where there are no rules or adults and the kids turn into smoking, alcoholic donkeys is not far off from my life. Not far at all.

Good thing they're so damn cute.

Hen. Rockin' the sock monkey hoodie.

The ladies using me as a jungle gym.

Luke is SUPER pumped about the museum!

One Year Olds!

I don't know how to write about the boys turning one without blubbering all over the place.

I don't know how to write about the boys without writing about everyone else. Because we are all intertwined right now. It is Luke, and Adeline, and Tula, and Henry, and me, and Josh in a huge pretzel of a family.

I don't know how to write about the boys without saying they are little balls of joy and light.

I don't know how to write about the boys without mentioning that they poop all the time. They are constantly poopy. How can such tiny things poop so much?!

I don't know how to write about the boys without wanting to go wake them up from their nap and hug them, and smell them, and listen to them coo, "Ma ma ma ma ma." Because they are my little loves. They are my heart. 

I don't know how to write about the boys. 

But I'll try. And I'll fail. Because these boys are the lid on my life.  

The girls are the box, and the boys are the lid and inside is everything else that's ever happened.

I don't know if that makes sense, but when people say they had their blah blah number child and knew their family was complete, that's how I felt with the boys. The second they were born my heart exhaled and was like, "Ok. This is it. This is who you are, Amy."

And then it handed me the box and let me try to figure it all out. 

The wrapping is tricky, and it's hard to find things in there sometimes, and nothing is as it seems, but it's still me. It's still my box. 

That smile on my face, is because the one year olds are so warm and sweet, you can't help but glow around them.

Having children has made me take notice of how kind people are around me. The day Adeline was born I have never been so surrounded by love and kindness and generosity and genuine well-wishings from people I didn't even know. And since that day it has not stopped. Maybe it was there all the time and I didn't really notice it, but having the kids peeled back a layer of the world and exposed a whole lot of love and happiness and joy I couldn't have imagined. 

Part of this is strangers who encounter me out in public, and who usually say something like - How do you it? Or - Wow, you've got your hands full, good job! Or - Are all those yours? You look great!

No one walks up to a stranger and says - I'll bet that puppy keeps you up at night, good for you for still walking him! Or - You look like you just went to the gym. Way to get your workout on! Because that would be weird. But there's something so unifying about having kids. It makes people give you a little I-know-what-that's-like nod as they pass you and your tantruming two year old in the middle of Target. And it makes them come up to you in the grocery store and say, "What cute kids you have!" right before two of them knock down every single box of cereal in the middle cereal shelf as they run down the aisle with their arms extended playing "Dinosaur Grocery Store".

But the truth is, having four is easier than just having two was. 

And I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. Having two was so hard for me. I could not figure anything out. But having four? Well, I don't have any choice. We get it done, and we get it done (almost) on time or we don't have a life. Maybe all this is just a very crazy way to teach me that I need to be busy in order to be productive, and if that's the case, "VERY FUNNY GOD. You could have just given me a lot of jobs or something."

What's that? On a two day road trip in the car with four kids and three out of the four have blow outs and the bathroom where we stop has no changing table? No problem! TO THE DESERT!

So, the boys are one. And they could not be more different. They are both happy and funny, but in such different ways. Physically, Henry is huge and strong, while Luke is slight and wiry. Vocally, Luke wants to have deep, long babbling conversations while staring intently into your soul through your eyes, and Henry is content to just scream something loud and then crawl away from you as fast as he can. They both do the crazy crab crawl the girls did. My kids do not crawl on their knees, they use one foot to propel them on their butts while the other one pushes. They stand, they walk while holding onto something, they eat anything and everything you put in front of them, and they think their sisters are hysterical. 

They love their sisters. To them, Addie and Tula are quite possibly the funniest things ever created.

Their dad is a close second. But he changes their diapers (oh the horror!) so, the girls win every time.

All in all, this year has been crazy, and wonderful, and hard, and tricky, and full of love and joy, and so comfortable and nice, and it's because of the boys. It's because we are a full box now.

Birthday breakfast! Super happy about their bananas.

Ha! Henry's face! And Luke is about to fall. 

Love it.

My little lovesies.

We made all these babies! Whaaaaat!

Water Under The Bridge

Just a word to the wise:

Don't listen to Adele everyday, for four weeks in a row if you want to, you know, carry on with life.

It's like I'm a drug addict. I know what listening to her album does to me, but I can't stop it because it feels so good to feel so bad!

And by bad I mean sad.

And by sad I mean let's have every heartbreaking memory feel like it's happening all over again, every single day, so that I wander through the grocery store with mascara running down my face staring at the food for so long employees have to ask me if I need help, to which I can only reply, "Do you sell glue to repair MY SOUL?"

No. They don't sell that, it turns out.

And I don't know what Josh is thinking, but he keeps trying to discuss the songs with me. Like, asking me what she means and stuff. And I'm like, "Isn't it obvious? Their love ain't water under the bridge. He's gonna let her down gently."

And he's like, "What? That makes no sense."

And I'm like, "She doesn't want him to pretend that he doesn't want her."

And he's like, "But he's breaking up with her?"

"Yes."

"So, he doesn't want her."

"Yes he does, he loves her."

"If he loves her then why is he breaking up with her?"

"Because maybe it's just not the right time for them. Maybe things aren't working."

"If things aren't working then shouldn't they break up."

"Yes. But that doesn't mean their love is over. It ain't water under the bridge, Josh! Don't you listen to the chorus?!"

"So, he's going to let her down?"

"Yes."

"But he loves her still?"

"Obviously."

"This song makes no sense."

"Oh my god, do you understand love at all?!"



Turns out he doesn't.









Also, because this one is my favorite. YOU GUYS! It's so good:

Not So Recap-y

So, I know I said I was going to be recapping The Bachelor, but I can't this week because I had too much wine while I was watching it and I don't remember anything. Not that I blacked out, but I had one and a half glasses of fancy wine and thus passed out into a deep red-wine induced sleep five seconds after it ended.

Also, because I finished watching it at 11:30 pm. That may as well be 3am in my world.

Maybe next week I'll watch it during the day, while I force my kids to take an hour and twenty minute bath, like a normal person!

"Mom, can we be done taking a bath?"

"No! . . . He gave the rose to her?!"

"Mom, the bubbles are all gone."

"Blow on the water. Oh my gosh, I can't believe she said that."

"Mom, the water is cold."

"It's not that cold. When I was a kid we had to take baths in buckets of ice."

"No, you didn't."

"You don't know me!"

"Mom. . ."

"You have to stay in the bath until Mommy's show is done!!!"


You all do that right? Make your kids take baths so you can watch bad TV?

Nope. Me neither.


Ok, tomorrow - I can't even believe I'm going to type this - the boys turned one.

How did that happen?!

But first! Pictures.

Luke, loves life.

Hen does too.

Best bath ever. Everyone got clean, and no one got drowned.

"Yes, crocodiles DO eat flowers."

The boys love eating.

While Adeline is at school Tula sweeps snow. Seems like a fair trade off.

Being a musician is a hard life. So many fans, so little time.

Chris Harrison For Life

Oh my god you guys.

You know how you forget about something and then find it when you're not even looking and it's the BEST day of your life? Like serendipity but for your soul?!

Well, that's how I feel about just discovering that The Bachelor premiered last night.

The BEN Bachelor!

My heart has never been so excited. Literally, this is better than the day I got married.

(I mean, I was super pregnant and tired and cranky and depressed when I got married so a lot of things are better than that day. Like, peanut butter toast.)

(I'm obviously joking. I'm super happy I got married and I love Josh more than The Bachelor TV show.)

(When it's not on.)

Ok, and I know all of you who don't watch reality television (*coughBreanneandBeckycough*) are rolling your eyes at me. And that's fine. Roll away. It stretches them out, and is a good exercise to keep your eyes healthy, so you're welcome for the eye workout. But seriously, if you're gonna watch people do dumb things on TV and get super dramatic and saying something like, "I think I'm falling in love with him," after 2 minutes of knowing him then THIS IS THE ONE TO WATCH.

There's so much magic and hot-mess-y-ness it's like glitter for your brain.

So, starting next week I'll be recapping them. BECAUSE I CAN. You can't stop me. Unless you come over here and hold me down while I try to type, and then you might be able to stop me because I'll be so excited to have a visitor I'll probably hug you so hard you'll collapse, and then while you're knocked out I'll duct tape and handcuff you to a chair while I play a loop of Bachelor episodes. Because I love you.


But for now, some pictures!

Henry rocking his adorable new shoes and sweater at the museum. 

They'll be one on Saturday! WHAT!?!?

Adeline was super excited to play dress up at her cousins' house. 

So, you can't really tell but Tula was wildly sticking a wand up her butt, despite the fact the whole house was screaming at her not to (or perhaps because of it), and then she wanted to "hocus pocus magic" things with it. Things like. . .

Me. She was trying to hocus pocus magic me with her butt wand. 

I want nothing to do with that wand, little missy.

Nothing.

A rare moment of love. 

Luke rocking his new shoes at the museum!

God, that face!

We had a date night! 

We learned we actually still have things to talk about that aren't kids' bedtimes or who is going to clean what once they're all asleep.

And we still really like each other when we get a second to breathe.

That's nice.

It's the best.