Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Quirks of Parenthood #1

1. Wanting to run out of your house and murder the garbage man for picking up the trash during OBVIOUS NAP TIME.

Obvious nap time!

2. Learning how to eat dinner in two minutes flat.

3. While holding a baby.

4. And feeding her at the same time.

5. And what you're eating for dinner is Chinese food with chopsticks.

6. Wanting to run out of your house and murder the dog for barking at a bird during OBVIOUS NAP TIME.

"I didn't nap because of the dog and I'm going to be cute for about two minutes before I FREAK THE F OUT ON YOU!"

7. Only changing your clothes when they have three or more spit-ups on them. Three or less and I can still meet my friends for drinks in that shirt and pretend I don't notice that I vaguely smell of regurgitated mashed peas.

7. Nodding to other mom's in the store even though you don't them, but just nodding because - hey, I have one of those too.

8. (Maybe other people don't do that one, maybe that's only me just nodding around town like a weirdo at people with kids who go home and are like, "Have you seen that girl, the nodder..." and her friend is all, "The tall one with the little daughter? Yes! She nods at me all the time. I think she has turrets.")

9. Eating a Reese's peanut butter egg the last bite of baby food in the jar and considering it a good enough breakfast. After all is combo of spinach and apples, and peanut butter. Peanut butter is protein. Spinach is like nature's miracle food according to scientist. Am totally ignoring the fact that the last bit is really just all the backwash-y stuff the baby lets dribble out of her mouth because her teeny tiny tongue doesn't know how to keep things inside yet. Surely baby saliva has nutritious properties too!

10. Wanting to run out of the house and murder the wind for being too loud during OBVIOUS NAP TIME.


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