Friday, August 12, 2011

37 Weeks!

I just debated between eating a Hot Pocket and a king sized Ice Cream Snickers bar for my after-lunch treat.

The Hot Pocket won out.

But only because I'm having the Snickers bar for my after-after-lunch treat! HOLLA!

Based on the way I'm eating it'll be amazing if this baby doesn't come out a 13 year old boy who relies on the glow of the video game screen to let him know what the outside looks like, and then gets up and microwaves himself another Hot Pocket.

In other news, I haven't gained more than 30 pounds which is AMAZING considering the way I'm eating. Also, I think the doctor's scale is lying to me, because although it says I'm not any bigger, the shirt I could wear a week ago no longer fits. Instead it exposes the underside of my belly, like I'm a fifty-nine year old man at a NASCAR race who still thinks his community college t-shirt fits, and insists his push-ups are totally working.

Two weeks and two days left! (Not that I'm counting) I have a feeling I can eat a lot of Hot Pockets in that amount of time. According to the updates, the baby is now the size of Swiss Chard. From a cantelope to a stalk of weird lettuce-like stuff? I plan on hunting down the master writer of these food-baby comparison updates and pelting her with the assorted garden items for clearly being drunk when she wrote them.

Until then I have an ice cream bar the size of my face to eat! Yay!

1 comment:

  1. I had no idea what Swiss chard was until I read your blog. If I may embarrass myself for a moment, I thought it was a way of cooking something. "Swiss charred." So, I thank you for setting me straight.

    You look SO. STINKING. GOOD! You're like the pregnancy poster-person! They should put you on the cover of pregnancy magazines and you can say Gwyneth Paltrow-ish things in the interview, like, "Nothing is more home-y than an Italian marble kitchen counter imported directly from Milan. I wouldn't make my Swiss charred chicken breasts on anything else."

    I can't believe you're going to have a baby in two weeks!! I'm so excited!! And I CANNOT wait for the labor blog, because that is going to be so funny that I will plotz. Or something Jewish like that.