She'll send me something like this, with a caption that says something like, "Best parenting decision I've ever made!"
Drink up, Mama!
And then I'll send something back like this:
Way ahead of you!
(Also, yes that's my daily hairdo. UGH! My hair. Can I just shave it all off? Can I!?)
And the reason we started doing this is because being a parent is stress-mother-fing-ful! So is having a job. And a partner in life. And paying bills. And living through winter. Depressing, grey-skies winter. And listening to your grandma tell a story about her sprinklers. And running out of grapefruit La Croix. And realizing the reason your hand smells like poop is because there is actual poop on it. And listening to your grandma tell a story about her sprinklers, again. And trying to plan to train for a marathon, then realizing how much time it'll take away from your kids. And feeling guilty that the time away from your kids for the marathon training actually sounds nice. Like a break. Like a breath of freedom, paid for in shin splints, and pulled butt muscles, and knees that creak and crack every time you move. And making dinner no one eats. And forgetting to put the laundry in the dryer so now all your clothes smells like mildew. And stepping on a small pile of Cheerios and crushing them into a billion smithereens just moments after you just finished cleaning the floor.
Being a parent is hard. So, sometimes. SOMETIMES. You need to have a few delicious sips of wine to help you manage the evenings. Especially because 5pm is the witching hour.
5pm is the time kids decide to lose their marbles, freak out about any and everything, make every mess possible, and start fights with each other the second you think they're playing nice. This probably happens because you're trying to make dinner and unwind, and kids cannot handle your focus being on anything but them.
And since Tiana has been my friend for 20+ years I can call her and say stuff like, "OH MY GOD, my kids needed attention all day long. Like, it just did not end. They're so needy! Oh! And then! My husband came home."
And she'll say, "Oh they're the worst. They want you to say hi to them and stuff. As if there's time for that!"
"Right?! You know what would be romantic? If he walked in and just started sweeping. Like, didn't even take his coat off, just started really getting into those floors."
"Oh, and then if your kids would actually sit and read books. Quietly."
Aaaahhh. We can dream can't we?
(**I guess I have to put a disclaimer in here that we both love our kids and husbands times a thousand. Obviously, those five people are my favorite five people in the whole damn world. But occasionally you need to let off steam. And if you're one of those people who doesn't do that because you keep it all bottled in, or even more crazy, one of those people who doesn't do that because you "don't feel stressed by your young family" then good for you! I'll bet that Xanax tastes delicious washed down with that gin and tonic.)
Anyway, instead of a picture I sent a short video to her (and Alex, my other bff living the Kid Life). Because a picture just did not do my feelings on my wine justice.
I had just found out my husband wasn't going to be home until after bedtime, the kids were going bonkers being that the clock had literally just struck 5:01pm and Justin Beiber was blasting on the radio. I had two choices - Get all sad and mad and stressed that I had another 3 hours alone with the crazies, or get down with it. Laugh it all off and dance my mother fucking ass off.
I chose option 2. Because I like not crying.
That continued for a good while. And yes I drank that whole glass in two swallows.
HOW COULD YOU NOT? Especially when Justin is asking if it's too late to say sorry.
Nope. Never, Justin. You say sorry all you want!
Part of the reason I started with the wine. Someone is her own canvas.
Addie was covered in paint too, but then she got cleaned up and looked downright adorable.