Thursday, April 30, 2015

They Weren't Lying About The Magic Part

Well, I said the words "Don't touch me while I'm pooping," three times to two different people yesterday.

So, that happened.

And I didn't even blink.  Because that's how I roll now.  It is not uncommon for me to walk into the bathroom and find my partner in the middle of his business.  I turn right around and scream for effect, Is it so hard to close the door!?  But yes, yes it is.  Because Tula knows how to open doors now and even locks are no match for her brute strength, and trying to get a moment alone is like an alarm magnet for kids to stop what they're doing and come harass you.

Sometimes I stop and think - how did we get here?  How am I sitting here on the toilet with a toddler on my lap, a three year old applying lipstick to my knee, little twins starting up at me from their bouncers hungrily, and their dad asking me if I'm almost done from just outside the door?

Oh, yeah - sex.  Sex did this to me.

Isn't is amazing how something so sexy can turn you into something so unsexy.  Yay evolution!

Meanwhile Josh has abs, and arms, and the V (Alex you know what I'm talking about), and I'm on the toilet being poked by kids who want to know why my belly button is so jiggly.  Men are such bastards.

And I say that in the most loving way.

(Here's the V I'm talking about for those of you who aren't Alex)

(You're welcome in advance)

Mmm hmm.

Oh, what?  You don't see it?  How about this?

Not yet?  Yeah, it is a little hard to see in that picture.  What about this?

Not close enough?


Oh, Channing Tatum.  I don't even like beefcakes but mama likey.

And I don't even say things like "beefcake" or "mama likey", but that's what happens when you stare into the Vortex for too long.  It's like a dumbing drug for women who don't remember what it's like to make-out without a three year old asking you if this is a kiss of true love and if it will wake Mommy up from her cursed eternal sleep. You've been warned.

Ok, so moving on. . .

Sometimes the boys need to be carried at the same time while I need to clean up, so this happens.  They love it.

Tula has been demanding she go to sleep in heels lately.  She's so fancy in her sleep.

During the day though she's pure badass.

A badass who projectile pukes on me.

And while Tula is throwing up, Addie is dressed like this.  Because why not.
We are a lot of fun at the park.

Happy ladies in the morning.

Oh, and this was four days ago.  
Hi, spring. Thanks but no thanks.

1 comment:

  1. I wish there was a "like" button for this blog, like on Facebook, so that I could just "like" it and let you know I'm here reading even if I don't really have a comment. Except, this time I do. I, too, know of this "V" you speak of and I appreciate you posting it for me to stare at lovingly while I also stare lovingly and your precious children. Love you!