Forget Chick Flicks, Bring On The Horror (As Long As It's Not That Scary. I'm Not A Robot)

I've been reading this book lately that is very good, and would normally make me really tense and scared because it's all abduction and ransom and how are they gonna escape???, except I'm not.  I can shockingly read it before bed and fall asleep just fine.  (And this from the girl who once got so scared from a Halloween episode of Facts of Life she didn't sleep for MONTHS.) (Literally, months.) (Blair was so scary.)

Anyway, I was wondering what has changed to harden me so.  I mean, I can even watch The Walking Dead while eating lunch like it ain't no thang.  And then it hit me.  As I yelled myself hoarse.

I have become a master threatener, negotiator, and sneaker upper on-er.  With a three year old I spend the majority of my day saying things like, "If you don't _____, I'm going to take away your ____."

"I mean it.  Do what I said now, or I will ____ your _____."

"Do you want me to start counting?  Let me answer that, you do NOT want me to start counting young lady.  You.  Do.  Not."

And my favorite:

**no words at all.  just the look.  THE look.**  this one is reserved for especially strategic situations.

Not only that but I have seen so much blood, puke, pee, and poop, toys and pencils and forks stuck in the wrong places that fictional stuff is kids play.

The other day I even wiped blood off of Addie's leg and licked it off my hand because I didn't want to wipe it on my pants and who has time to find a napkin?!

The good news is, although they've hardened me, they've also made me all gooey and doughy on the inside because of their ridiculously cute mother f-ing faces!!!  ARGH I just want to eat them off!

The other day I made homemade playdough.  Tula was so excited, she even put her call on hold.

Pretending she didn't eat it.  Like a sneaky little angel.

For some reason when I give the girls smoothies they go running to the front door.  Like weird little puppies.

The couch would be more comfortable girls.

The other day Addie requested a tattoo.  Of her father.

I think I have a new career ahead of me.