The Barefoot Files: Two At A Time

So it turns out being a mother of two is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay harder than being a mother of one. Now, I don't want to put down anyone who only has one kid because having one kid is hard, having anything even resembling a kid is hard. A small puppy. A needy fish. A tangling houseplant. Taking care of something that is alive is mother f*$#ing HARD.

I understand cursing now Mom. Pretty soon not even bleeping your own spelling will work.

(Also check out the word to the left of her, it's like she tried to spell her own name! Genius? Probably.)

But everyone kept telling me that going from one to two was easy. That it was like throwing a cup of warm water in a bathtub. I don't know if that's a real saying, actually I don't think it is but it seems like it should be one because throwing a cup of warm water into the bathtub doesn't do a ding dang thing except make a person wonder why someone is standing near a bathtub with a cup of warm water, why in the world would someone have warm water handy, cold water - yes, hot water - ok if you're in the middle of making a cup of tea when you get summoned into the bathroom, unless you get summoned in with the hot water for the tea and you're standing in the bathroom chit chatting with whomever is taking a bath for so long that your tea water gets cooled down so now it's warm and then she says something offensive and you respond with a not so polite retort and then she's all, "Why don't you just go drink your precious tea!" and you're all "Why don't you bathe in it!" and then you chuck the warm tea water into the bathtub... forget it, it's a bad saying. Don't use it.

My point is, going from one to two has been tricky. With the first one I could just sit there and stare at her all day but with this one I have to sling her around while I try to wrangle an almost two year old who suddenly thinks it's hilarious to run into the street because of the look on my face when she does it. Oh yeah, that's the other thing - my anger and/or dismay is the height of comedy to Addie. I've tried so many different ways to let her know something is not ok and all of them, every single one, is like I've just told the best joke in the world.

I'm too cool for this backyard.

But with the second one things got crazy. With two there is no me-time right now. There is no me-and-him time right now. There is no time to brush my teeth regularly. Because they both need me all the time. Right now. RIGHT NOW.

But it's ok, because it won't always be like this. They both won't always need me. And when that day comes I'll be simultaneously happy and a little sad. Sad because they're my babies! But then I'll remember my mom, and I'll tell them as they stomp away from me in the mall to join their friends and would I please stop embarrassing them is that I'll always be here. And they'll always need me, it'll just be in a different way. And I'll love them FOREVER even though I have bags under my eyes and puke in my eyebrows right now. Because look at their faces: