The Barefoot Files: Productivity

I know I should be using my double nap time (that's what I call it when the ladies are asleep at the same time - then I high five myself and do a little raise the roof action to the dog while I whisper "What what!" because I'm not gonna full out a what-what and risk waking the babies just because I'm happy. My happiness can wait until naptime is over, ok.) to be productive with housecleaning, or bill paying, or napping myself so I don't live the rest of my life with circles so dark under my eyes I look like Nick Cage at the end of Leaving Las Vegas.

But instead I've spent today's nap time trying to illegally download Rosetta Stone because I decided at a sleep deprived 5am that I would learn French. And so would my kids. And we would be one of those annoying families where at home we only speak French. Except for when we're out at a restaurant together and then we also only speak French. Or at the mall when I'm trying to get my kids attention in the Victoria's Secret because they're not allowed to put bras on their heads and yell "Boobs!"*, then I will do it in French. Basically anytime we're together we speak French and it's annoying to all.

(*Adeline actually does this already. She's a joy.)

I'm pretty sure this has been a good use of my time since we have tons of free time to learn a language from pirated cds. I couldn't even read ahead in my History book in High School to try to get ahead because I'm a kinesthetic learner*. I need to write it down while someone is explaining it to me. Plain ol' reading goes in one, uhm, eye and out the other. So I'm pretty sure plain ol' listening is not gonna do the trick especially because I have developed a very highly tuned ear to zero in on only important things and if there's an episode of Real Housewives of Orange County playing somewhere on my block I'm fairly certain my ears are gonna pick that up instead of some French lady trying to make me conjugate verbs for her.

(*What! I can't believe I just remembered that word! Just this morning I couldn't remember MY OWN MIDDLE NAME. I'm not exaggerating here people. I'm pretty sure having children is synonymous with early onset dementia.) (sidenote: I just wrote early onset diabetes as a mistake. For the record, having children could also be synonymous with diabetes. Although at my age I doubt it's early onset anymore.) (double sidenote: my sister still gets confused and thinks we're in our 20s. Which a) makes me happy because it must mean she thinks I'm youthful like her. Until b) I remember she's in her mid-30s also and thus I have to worry about her early onset dementia chances as well.)