"Just took a bath with Addie where she discovered my nipples and spent the rest of the bath trying to pull them off. Then she peed on me. Felt a little bit like college."
And that, my friends, is why I don't have twitter.
Because no one needs that kind of information broadcast to the entire world.
(Yes, I do pretend my blog is a secret. I have to, otherwise I'd never write anything due to embarrassing the people I live with.)
So, yeah, Adeline is discovering all kinds of stuff. Nipples, electrical outlets, that it's crazy fun to unroll the toilet paper and shred it into horrible, melting to the walls-like confetti every time her mom takes a shower, EVERY TIME, even though she should wise up and just hide all the toilet paper for the rest of ever if she had any sense but apparently she doesn't and also, oh my gosh, she's just so cute when she's destroying the house!
I do not know what you mean "destroy". I only helps.
She's so much fun right now, and so into everything. This morning when I took a shower, after she was done murdering the toilet paper, she left the bathroom yelling, "Goo ga di BA DI GAH!" which is her typical war cry, and then I didn't hear her for a while which meant a) I could enjoy the rest of my shower without a tiny, crazed lunatic yelling at me to "Gaggity GOOBERS!!!!" as she peeks into the shower like a creeper; and also b) that there was a chance she'd be choking on something in the corner of my bedroom and I couldn't hear her because she was no longer breathing. This is my biggest fear when I can't hear her anymore. Needless to say I jumped out of the shower and ran around my room, dripping wet, and screaming "Ba gah gooder DIGAR?" (because I think it'll help me find her if I talk to her like that?), and I could Not. Find. Her.
My next totally rational fear? She has simply disappeared into thin air. She's the first human that can actually travel through time and space and she can't control it yet because duh, she's a baby, so she's lost in New Mexico, or worse, real Mexico somewhere and I won't be able to find her because I CAN'T APPARATE.
Yeah, that's right, I actually thought that. Granted it was only for like a split second, but still. Mama might need some drugs.
Anyway, I pulled my shit together (slightly) and still dripping soap and water everywhere, my deflated-balloon-like mommy parts swaying in the wind, I ran into the closet, even though I'd already checked there because I had a slightly helpful thought, "Baby small. Baby hide under things." (I talk to myself like a caveman when I'm panicked.) And lo and behold, there she was, hiding under my hanging clothes, with a firm grasp on one part of the cat's tail, while the very end of the tail was snug inside of her grinning little mouth.
My daughter everyone, Sneaky McSneaks A Lot.
Boy is she lucky that cat is nice, or I'm fairly certain she'd be blind right now.
Huh. I did not think about that.
The good news is if she ever hangs out with the Kardashians she's got the sunglasses inside down pat.
Hahahaaaaaaa, it's so wrong, but that chubby, raspberry covered face kills me! CHUBBY CHEEKS!
Oh, also she's in a new phase where she wants her floppy outdoor hat on all the time. Even first thing in the morning. It's pretty quirky and pretty fucking adorable.
I only eat breakfast in my hat Mother.
I know, I know, I don't match. I also don't care. THIS HAT FOR LIFE!
Who is this thing and why is she always wearing that dang hat?
Even Bob is intrigued by it. I mean really, who isn't?