Friday, June 8, 2012

Just Psychic Enough To Know Where The Last Donut Is, Not Enough To Notice The Poop

I'm not saying having a baby changes you, all I'm saying is that now I can pretty much walk around with poop on my arm and not freak out about it.  Even though I haven't changed a poopy diaper in twelve hours.  And I've showered since then.

Also, getting pregnant made me psychic. Not like really psychic where I could have my own TLC show about it (Oh my god that woman is amazing!  Seriously, she's all kinds of witchy.), but in weird ways like everyone was guessing when I was going to actually have Addie and I knew totally it was going to be the 15th, even though it was two weeks before she was due, something inside me totally knew, and so I told my mom about it just so I would seem like a total phony when I was like, "I had a feeling she'd be early".  And then BAM!  Baby arrival.  Also, I kept sort of freaking out that the cord was gonna get wrapped around her neck, and I'd have dreams about it and then when she was born - cord around her neck!  Ok, so maybe I'm not psychic, maybe it's all coincidence, but then today you guys, I totally was like, I need to get to the donut shop before they sell that last chocolate long john because I do not want a gross one with custard, custard sort of ruins the donut and then I have to eat around the custard to get just the donut part and inevitably I'll get some sort of custard in my bite and it will be all squishy and gross and then I'll have to lick my boyfriend's donut to get the taste of bad custard bite out of my mouth and he'll be all, "Dude, did you just lick my donut?" and I'll be all, "But the custard!" and he'll be all, "Give me the custard and you go make yourself a bagel" and I'll be all, "Bagel?  BAGEL? It's donut time and you want me to make a bagel?!  How disgusting are you?" and he'll be all, "You're the one mutilating that poor donut" and then I'll look down and see it all chewed and mutilated, custard oozing from it like a wounded animal and then I will start to feel really sad for it because my hormones are all out of whack and I will lick a little bit of the custard so as not to hurt the donut's feelings (oh yeah, I'm that crazy) but then I'll remember I hate custard and will have to throw the whole thing away and be really, really sad that my whole donut morning was ruined all because I didn't get to the donut store on time.  So you guys, I went to the donut store and guess what?  There was one non-custard left JUST LIKE I THOUGHT!

If that isn't psychic powers I don't know what is.

Your psychosis is delicious Mama.

Uh, it's 'psychic' daughter.

Sure it is.

Aside from the every day donut we've been working and hanging out at fish festivals and stuff.  Adeline loved the fish festival her dad took her to.  

And I love him.  Saves the world in 24 hours every few years and cares enough to put a hat on her so she doesn't get burned?  Whole package my friends.  Whole mother f-ing package.

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