Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? No, But My Answers Are Probably More Fun

So, you know how kids ask things? And as parents you're supposed to know answers? Like, I very clearly remember thinking my mom knew everything. And while logically I know that's not true, I will still call her to ask questions in any category, because somewhere deep inside me it's ingrained, that she's my mom so she probably knows how to wash a shower curtain, or what I can use instead of eggs when I'm baking, or where my good jeans are dangit(!) even though I live several states and a time zone away.

Well, based on this conversation I had with my sister, I'm fairly certain one of two things is about to happen - #1 My daughter will quickly realize I know nothing except every fact about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills there is to know, and that I can inappropriately quote Grease 2. Or #2, She will take my facts as actual facts and thus will run around life with a Nell-like view of the world, saying things to her friends like, "The Berlin Wall came down because bad people did bad stuff once and then they apologized like a million years later, and probably baked some cupcakes for the good guys to say they were sorry, and then they tore the wall down because it was an eyesore really. I mean, a big concrete wall? Whatever happened to some lattice. A little vine action anyone?"



"Mom you're so funny! Who the heck is Nell?"



My conversation with my sister over instant message regarding the upcoming holidays:

Becky: We need to talk about Thanksgiving.

Me: Ok well, let's start from the beginning - a long time ago pilgrims came to America and met some attractive Indians, nowadays we call them "Native Americans", and they have a high incidence of alcoholism among their tribes.

Becky: (No response. I keep going.)

Me: Anyway, the pilgrims decided to stay and take over the Indians' land, and the Indians were like, "Ok, but first here's how you make corn. If you grow enough corn you can have a tribal meeting and the spirits gather to make a cornucopia." and the pilgrims were all, "What's that?"

Becky: wow

Me: and the indians were all, "It's a big. . . well, it's sort of like horn-shaped, but it doesn't make music . . . it's big on one end and tiny on the other. Basically we keep our bounty in it. And later it will be important in the teen books The Hunger Games."

Becky: fascinating

Me: "Now let's eat before you give us small pox and steal everything we know and love."

Becky: it all makes sense

Me: and the pilgrims were all, "Deal! Thanks!" And that's how we got thanksgiving.



So basically I need more sleep and to relearn some things. But until then, I'll be feeding this little monster every two hours! Because she's cute!


I like to luxuriate. Big time.



I also like to nap. Nappity, nap, nap, nap.