Well, that is what living with 19 month old twin boys is like.
I hate to be sexist, and I secretly hope one or both of my boys turns out super effeminate, and I used to think when people said "having boys is so much different than girls" it was because of them. They were the ones inflicting their opinions on what having boys and girls was like.
But, I was wrong. I apologize to everyone ever.
Amen.
No matter how much I offer girly toys to the boys all they want are shovels, trucks, and stuff to hit stuff with. The other day I found Henry chasing Tula with a metal mallet that probably weighed as much as he does, giggling his head off. And just as I was typing this Henry reached up to the counter, pulled out the coffee pot, poured about 8 cups of coffee onto the floor and then Luke tap danced in it.
Despite this behavior, these little monster boys are so wonderful and charming and cute right now. They literally melt my heart every day.
Shut the front door, I love you so much.
They're plotting their escape on our hike.
Uh, I can see you guys, and you don't speak English yet so this weird babbling and vague pointing isn't fooling anyone. Also, you run about as fast as a flat soccer ball. I'm gonna catch you.
Luke's got his Frozen backpack on for his big journey. Also, he thinks my stomach is hysterical. We all do, Luke. We all do.
However, these adorable little bundles of boy can turn into rage-y, murderous, lunatics in the matter of seconds. This morning I was hanging out with them on the back deck, drinking my coffee while they played in the sunshine, and then I dared to say aloud, "This is like being on vacation!" The sunshine. The playing. The calm.
And then the universe smote me.
As soon as the exclamation point was out of my mouth, Henry stole Luke's toy by biting him on the shoulder to get him to release his grip, then Luke went into a rage tirade and threw a very heavy toy truck at Henry's head. Still enraged, Luke stormed over to the the nearest flower pot and started ripping out perfectly healthy flowers. Henry though this was hilarious and ditched his stolen toy to join in the anger-fun. Luke took this opportunity to "race" back to his previously cherished toy and claim it as his rightful owner. Henry realized what was happening and followed Luke back, ripped him to the ground by his shirt and crawled to the toy. This is when I finally gave up the dream I could enjoy my perfect coffee, so I set it on the ground and jumped into the fight, swooping them both up in my arms. Luke started trying to jump to his death from my arms, while Henry sunk his teeth deep into my neck LIKE A VAMPIRE, and then gave me a heart warming giggle while I screamed obscenities.
Because that's what they do you guys. They hurt you and then they make you love them while they're doing it.
I briefly set them down so I could get a better grip on both of them, and in those two seconds they managed to knock over the bench I had previously been sitting on, throw the bench cushion into a pile of mud, and knock over my coffee.
My perfectly made, never-been-more-delicous, ratio-ed-like-it-was-science coffee with cream and 7 teeny grains of sugar.
That is when I lost it.
"You guys are so. . . !"
Yeah, I let them fill in the blanks. Because sometimes saying nothing is more powerful, if you know what I mean. Also, I couldn't think of anything that didn't end with years of psychology.
Eventually I got them to stop bruising me and each other by putting them in their respective cribs, and saying, "You guys need to chill out."
Immediately they started laughing and passing toys back and forth, and all was well with the world.
The giggling went on for an hour until one of them got a bigger bite of yogurt and then all hell broke loose.
Living with them is like living with tiny, adorable psychopaths.
Hugging is not what they envisioned for their morning!
And now! For pictures! Because it's been a long time.
Henry and Tula building sandcastles.
It's been so hot we stopped our bike ride to run into the pond, fully clothed! So fun. Until we realize there's sand in places there should never be sand. (i.e., our vaginas.)
This is what happens when you host playgroup at your house and don't care what that loud noise was.
Luke is literally attached at the hip right now. Note that I have not even put my coffee cup down yet, and there he is, hooked on per ushe.
Oh yes! I dyed my hair.
This is how Adeline goes to bed these days. She's just so fancy she needs her eye mask to get her beauty rest.
.
Luke, enjoying a hike at Palisade Falls.
Someone was super proud of himself.
My little cling-on.
Family hike!
Sometimes you need to hold hands to make it up the mountain.
(That's like, a metaphor for stuff, you guys.)
Dolls were necessary for the hike. Obvi.
Me: Yes, Luke, I'm still here.
Luke: I want your eyes on me at all times, woman!
Taking a rest with the dolls and giving them some much needed love.
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