Friday, October 7, 2011

Remember Schmemember

This is how the baby helps me bake. By supervising my every move. Then pooping on the counter. How'd it get through both blankets to reach the counter? YOU TELL ME.

So you may remember I talked about Pregnancy Brain, a medical condition (probably) where you lose your marbles and suddenly don't remember who the Vice President is and wind up asking your friends and they look at you with total shock, and possibly distain, not trying to even hide it and placate you a little bit because they're your best friends - apparently knowing you for half your life means they don't have to sugar coat your stupid for you.

Well anyway, apparently it doesn't go away once you have a baby. It just gets way worse. ie; when you breastfeed you're supposed to start on the last boob you ended on. Since the little lady is eating every two hours right now, that means I have to remember back an hour and fifteen minutes and recall whether we were on the left or the right and 9 times out of 10 I stare blankly into space, with absolutely no clue which side she was on. I can't remember something from an hour ago!

So, last week my boyfriend was running a 10k and me and the Pork Chop went down to cheer him on a woman and her baby stopped to say hi, and ask how old she was and blah blah blah, so we talked about out babies and whatnot and then the lady said, "What's her name?"

And I said, "Uhm. . ." and looked at the lady as if she was going to tell me, because I kid you not, I had NO IDEA WHAT MY BABY'S NAME WAS. No clue whatsoever. You could have put a gun to my head and I would still be standing there frozen. And suddenly I started to panic. I looked down at my baby and thought, "Her. She's my baby." But that wasn't what the woman asked. She didn't ask me to point out my baby in some weird criminal-baby-line-up (Oh my god, how cute would a baby line up be?! "Ma'am tell us which one it was." "That one. Number three. She definitely puked on me." Ahhhhhhh! I want it!), she asked me what her name was. Again, more panic and suddenly I couldn't breathe. It was the closest I think I've ever come to actually living a dream - because stuff like that doesn't happen in real life, it happens in dreams and you freak out, and realize you're naked on top of not being able to recall what you named your only child, and then you wake up in a cold sweat, sigh and say, "Oh thank gosh. It was just a dream. Her name is . . . "

AHHHHHH! And then you scream because you still can't remember because it's not a dream!!!! YOU'RE TOTALLY AWAKE! I looked around slowly and said "Uhm. . . " again, hoping this would distract her. And I could feel my boyfriend's mom turn to look at me, and I could feel everyone else start to turn to look because who doesn't remember their baby's name?! And then suddenly, thank God, I sputtered, "Ad. . . Addi . . . Adeline. Her name is Adeline." And then gave a little cough hoping everyone would think I just had something stuck in my throat and that's why it took me so long.


So embarrassing.

To be fair I don't ever call her by her name. Unless she's in trouble.

Which is never because she's a teeny tiny baby!!!

But I have a feeling by the time she hits Jr. High I'll have that name down big time. If she's anything like me she'll be hearing it weekly.

Either that or I'll be yelling, "Missy Porks Chops Chubby Cheeks! You change that outfit right now or you're grounded. No buts! Just change it!"

Oh mom, you so crazy! I love you even if you never remember my name.

Thanks Chops.

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