Monday, September 26, 2011

Six Weeks Old!

And according to my doctor I can officially now go for a run and have some sex.

(Guess which one I'm more excited about.)

No seriously. Guess.

I'm not gonna tell you, that's personal. Sure I'll tell you about getting shots in my butt, and how the doctor who delivered my little Porks (nickname is awesome. but will be replaced so she doesn't get made fun of. is sad day when we can't call Porks, Porks anymore. is perfect little Porks.) was doing sign language in my vagene, but you do not get to hear about my running/sex life. I have some boundaries.

Hahahahaha No I don't! But I'm still not gonna say out of respect for my family.

You're welcome Porks.

Anyway, I'm not sure how the doctor decided it was ok for normal activities to resume since she didn't really examine me. And by "didn't really examine" I mean, I started to undress and the nurse was like, "Oh no don't bother. Does everything feel ok down there?"

"Uh, yes? Other than the fact that little Porker came out of it six weeks ago it's hunky dory." (I didn't really say 'hunky dory' but I wish I had.)

"Hi Mom? The forties called, they want their slang back."

Then my doctor came in, asked me a few questions, laughed a lot at the fact that I was a screamer in the delivery room, and said, "Well that's it, you look fine. Can I hold the baby?"

And I was like - I look fine? You didn't even glance at my area clothed, let alone examine it naked. What if the baby messed something up, I don't even know what, what if there's two vaginas now instead of one?!?! DON'T YOU WANT TO CHECK ME?

But no. She did not. Apparently if something was wrong I'd feel it.


Modern science my a$#. It's more like a guessing game, but with human lives. And their stretched out private parts.

Stretched out for a good reason!

A very good, six-week old reason.

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