And why's it so pointy?
Apparently the babies are the size of heirloom tomatoes. Those are some giant tomatoes right there. I've started to get strangers asking when I'm due and when I say the end of January they all look at me with total confusion and disbelief. As if I'm either lying, or I don't know what due date means, or I'm about to give birth to a baby elephant. Then I tell them they're twins and they're all - Oooooooooohhhh, sure. Good luck with that. I hope you don't join a psych ward.
The overwhelming response when people learn I'm having twins is a look of terror as they watch my other two sitting quietly in the corner gluing wood chips to their faces. Not all, some people are genuinely excited for me, but I'd say 90% of the response has been not excited, which believe me I totally get, however a pregnant lady can only take so much pity for something that is happening no matter what. And up until, oh I don't know, this very morning, I return their look of terror with an apologetic shrug and a nod that says, "I know, I know. I'm so sorry for me too." But, then I had one of those moments people probably get in regular life that I don't get that often because I am a people pleaser - but when I'm pregnant that shit goes out the window at some point and I realize that I am in no mood to deal with people being sad for me and preemptively telling me I won't be able to handle it. It's a big go-f-yourself time in my head and I don't mean to be offensive with that, I'm not saying it with anger or vitriol, I'm using that language in a strong sort of way (last time I'll comment: Josh hates cursing, as do lots of people, I do not find it offensive, in fact I like it, but realize lots of people do not so I try to not use it, however, I'm pregnant so fuck it. I'll say what I want.)
Aaaaaaanyway, I understand that having twins when I have a three year old and a one year old seems daunting and challenging, because it mother fucking is, but you know what? We'll survive. We'll make it. And my kids are going to be so lucky to have so many siblings so close in age for them to play with, and I am going to be so lucky to be surrounded by a troop of little crazies discovering and learning and growing and loving all at the same time, and I am so blessed to have such a huge amount of love and joy coming my way. I really, really am. Yes, it's going to be hard. Yes, there will probably be lots of crying, and yelling, and screaming (mostly from me), but that. is. ok. Because family is truly the best thing in the world. And I'm already so happy to have what I have I cannot even fathom what it will be like to love any more than I do. How lucky I am to get to have my heart expand like that. Truly. It's beyond describable.
So, from here on out there will be no more shrugs of apology. And no more nodding in agreement when people cringe and give me a oh-poor-thing look. And no more saying "It's twins" under my breath because I'm afraid of how I will be judged.
I just don't have time for that bullshit.
I have babies to go love.
Amen!
ReplyDelete