The Barefoot Files: Vasecto-me?

Well, I was just going to write the 3rd part of the Labor and Delivery story, but THEN I GOT SOME NEWS.

So, let me back up for a minute and let ya'll know that about five years ago my OB in California told me she thought I was going through early menopause and she didn't know if I'd be able to have kids. I wasn't having my period, I had cysts on my ovaries, and I don't know maybe my uterus looked a little mean or something. So, I tired a few natural things that may seem weird, but I am all about weird. I started drinking soy milk, I gained some weight, and I rubbed my big toe to stimulate ovulation - and then out of nowhere, BAM! 4 kids in less than four years.

Lying doctor of lies.

Up until now I was pretty sure it was the Starbucks and the toe rubbing, because I'm logical. But then my husband called me and let me know that his sperm are direct descendants of Super Man and Khaleesi, Mother of Dragons. (Oh my God what if Daenerys and Clark Kent had a baby?! IT'D BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY EVER.)

So, he got a vasectomy a few months ago. Because four is enough, okay. Four. Is. Enough. I'm afraid if we had anymore I'd have some sort of psychotic break and run away to Mexico with my favorite to live on the beach and drink margaritas all the livelong day, but I can't decide who my favorite is so I'd be all, "Ok, I'll take Adeline. And Tula. And Luke. And Henry. Damnit now I have all four in Mexico and I'm pregnant. This didn't turn out well. *sigh* At least they'll all speak Spanish."

After a while they have to do a fun little test to make sure there are no swimmers left. Because 1 in 1,000 vasectomies fail. So, Josh got the test and guess what happened?

WE ARE THE ONE IN A THOUSAND.

And what I screamed on the phone before I got on my knees and thanked the lord I was on the pill was, "I KNEW IT!"

Homeboy is like the Michael Phelps of baby making abilities.

And now we're facing the possibility of him having to do a second vasectomy. Pretty sure after that one the opposite will happen and he'll be able to sneeze on me and I'll get pregnant. Sperm will shoot out of every orifice he has and will just melt into skin and find it's way to an egg to invade. My morning omelets will get pregnant before I have time to scramble them.

If we have to go through a second round and it doesn't work again I'm afraid we'll have to kiss our sex life goodbye. At least with each other. And then we will have to kiss Josh goodbye because if he has a sex life with someone else he'll turn up mysteriously murdered by me.

Ah love!

And now, some pictures that have absolutely nothing to do with this post!

My little helpers! Is this not the best?

It only lasted about thirty seconds before they both tried to shove the babies off their laps so they could go watch Big Hero 6 for the hundredth time.