What's Missing

Before I was pregnant I always thought the thing I'd miss the most when I was pregnant was drinking. Drinking all kinds of things. Coffee, wine, lattes, other kinds of wine, tequila shots off of Jon Hamm's perfectly, manly, just-hairy-enough chest.

Not because I'm some sex-crazed lush who gets the shakes when she doesn't drink, far from it.

But more I thought I'd miss it the most because I had grown accustomed to having a cup or two of coffee in the morning to wind me up, and a glass or two of wine at night to wind me down, and since I'm a creature of habit I couldn't imagine not having those two things. (creature of habit example: when figuring out percentages, like 57 is what percent of 294, I still do it the EXACT way I was taught in High School, complete with whispering to myself, "Is over of" and writing the formula out to figure it out, even though I'm pretty sure I could do it an easier way, but I don't want to. I like my 1994 way. It makes me feel studious.)

Anyway, I was pretty sure I'd be unable to wake up or fall asleep due to my lack of caffeine and alcohol, thus thrusting me into a perpetual cycle of crazy awakeness where I'm not really awake because I haven't slept, and can't really sleep because I'm too awake and suddenly I'd be like the walking dead, but worse, because I'd be the pregnant, puking, walking dead with a hairy stomach, and a penchant for eating disgusting amounts of melons. Cut to six months in and I'd be showing up at an AA meeting just to be around people who (sort of) know how I feel.

But turns out, that's not what I miss at all. It's like I got pregnant and all of a sudden my body was like, "Coffee? Nah, I'm good." and "Wine? Nope, don't even like the sound of it." So I stopped drinking both cold turkey and have had no problems whatsoever. I know it shouldn't be shocking to me that a body that can create a HUMAN BEING from practically nothing, like the most magical cotton candy maker in the world (where does all that cotton come from?! And why is it pink!!) can also tell you what is good for you and what is not when you're pregnant - but it totally is. Sure, my baby has gone from having a tail, to not, but suddenly I don't crave lattes anymore?! What sort of crazy witchcraft is this?!?!

So what I miss the most? This is going to sound ridiculous, but it's running.

I miss running like the dickens.

And before you go fake-barfing in your sweater, let me explain: It's not like I'm some crazed exercise nut who runs ten miles a day before taking the stairs to work and then does push ups on my lunch break. That sounds super boring to me. I like burritos at lunch, and I enjoy escalators. The running, or the type of running I miss (which can be compared to a slow jog or a very fast walk), was good for me because it was the one time of day I can let my mind go totally blank. Instead of stressing about work, or family, or money, or whatever, if I'm running I don't think about anything. Nothing enters my mind except, "Breathe. Move. Breathe. Move."

And now that I'm not running everything enters my mind. Everything. That one time I helped Tiffany Otto cheat on our English test Sophmore year by letting her see my scantron? I think about that and then I feel bad all day. First thing when I wake up? It's a barrage of different types of dark, leafy greens I haven't been eating lately and how that may or may not effect my baby's health, and suddenly I'm running to the grocery store at 7:45am because I'm fairly certain if I don't get some Swiss Chard immediately I'll get diabetes.

So, that's what I'm missing the most right now. Running. I'm actually counting down the days to when I can let my mind go blank for those four or five, eleven minute miles. I'm not even embarrassed I only run eleven minute miles. Eleven minute miles got me through two marathons and some very stressful breakups. They helped me deal with my granddad's death and a scary bout of melanoma. Eleven minute miles also made grad school more fun, it made vacations more fun, it made me feel more fun in general.

I've heard you're not supposed to exercise until six weeks after you give birth. So if anyone needs me around the middle of October, I'll be the girl running down the block, with the biggest, happiest, blankest stare on her face you've ever seen.