Water Under The Bridge

Just a word to the wise:

Don't listen to Adele everyday, for four weeks in a row if you want to, you know, carry on with life.

It's like I'm a drug addict. I know what listening to her album does to me, but I can't stop it because it feels so good to feel so bad!

And by bad I mean sad.

And by sad I mean let's have every heartbreaking memory feel like it's happening all over again, every single day, so that I wander through the grocery store with mascara running down my face staring at the food for so long employees have to ask me if I need help, to which I can only reply, "Do you sell glue to repair MY SOUL?"

No. They don't sell that, it turns out.

And I don't know what Josh is thinking, but he keeps trying to discuss the songs with me. Like, asking me what she means and stuff. And I'm like, "Isn't it obvious? Their love ain't water under the bridge. He's gonna let her down gently."

And he's like, "What? That makes no sense."

And I'm like, "She doesn't want him to pretend that he doesn't want her."

And he's like, "But he's breaking up with her?"

"Yes."

"So, he doesn't want her."

"Yes he does, he loves her."

"If he loves her then why is he breaking up with her?"

"Because maybe it's just not the right time for them. Maybe things aren't working."

"If things aren't working then shouldn't they break up."

"Yes. But that doesn't mean their love is over. It ain't water under the bridge, Josh! Don't you listen to the chorus?!"

"So, he's going to let her down?"

"Yes."

"But he loves her still?"

"Obviously."

"This song makes no sense."

"Oh my god, do you understand love at all?!"



Turns out he doesn't.









Also, because this one is my favorite. YOU GUYS! It's so good:

Not So Recap-y

So, I know I said I was going to be recapping The Bachelor, but I can't this week because I had too much wine while I was watching it and I don't remember anything. Not that I blacked out, but I had one and a half glasses of fancy wine and thus passed out into a deep red-wine induced sleep five seconds after it ended.

Also, because I finished watching it at 11:30 pm. That may as well be 3am in my world.

Maybe next week I'll watch it during the day, while I force my kids to take an hour and twenty minute bath, like a normal person!

"Mom, can we be done taking a bath?"

"No! . . . He gave the rose to her?!"

"Mom, the bubbles are all gone."

"Blow on the water. Oh my gosh, I can't believe she said that."

"Mom, the water is cold."

"It's not that cold. When I was a kid we had to take baths in buckets of ice."

"No, you didn't."

"You don't know me!"

"Mom. . ."

"You have to stay in the bath until Mommy's show is done!!!"


You all do that right? Make your kids take baths so you can watch bad TV?

Nope. Me neither.


Ok, tomorrow - I can't even believe I'm going to type this - the boys turned one.

How did that happen?!

But first! Pictures.

Luke, loves life.

Hen does too.

Best bath ever. Everyone got clean, and no one got drowned.

"Yes, crocodiles DO eat flowers."

The boys love eating.

While Adeline is at school Tula sweeps snow. Seems like a fair trade off.

Being a musician is a hard life. So many fans, so little time.

Chris Harrison For Life

Oh my god you guys.

You know how you forget about something and then find it when you're not even looking and it's the BEST day of your life? Like serendipity but for your soul?!

Well, that's how I feel about just discovering that The Bachelor premiered last night.

The BEN Bachelor!

My heart has never been so excited. Literally, this is better than the day I got married.

(I mean, I was super pregnant and tired and cranky and depressed when I got married so a lot of things are better than that day. Like, peanut butter toast.)

(I'm obviously joking. I'm super happy I got married and I love Josh more than The Bachelor TV show.)

(When it's not on.)

Ok, and I know all of you who don't watch reality television (*coughBreanneandBeckycough*) are rolling your eyes at me. And that's fine. Roll away. It stretches them out, and is a good exercise to keep your eyes healthy, so you're welcome for the eye workout. But seriously, if you're gonna watch people do dumb things on TV and get super dramatic and saying something like, "I think I'm falling in love with him," after 2 minutes of knowing him then THIS IS THE ONE TO WATCH.

There's so much magic and hot-mess-y-ness it's like glitter for your brain.

So, starting next week I'll be recapping them. BECAUSE I CAN. You can't stop me. Unless you come over here and hold me down while I try to type, and then you might be able to stop me because I'll be so excited to have a visitor I'll probably hug you so hard you'll collapse, and then while you're knocked out I'll duct tape and handcuff you to a chair while I play a loop of Bachelor episodes. Because I love you.


But for now, some pictures!

Henry rocking his adorable new shoes and sweater at the museum. 

They'll be one on Saturday! WHAT!?!?

Adeline was super excited to play dress up at her cousins' house. 

So, you can't really tell but Tula was wildly sticking a wand up her butt, despite the fact the whole house was screaming at her not to (or perhaps because of it), and then she wanted to "hocus pocus magic" things with it. Things like. . .

Me. She was trying to hocus pocus magic me with her butt wand. 

I want nothing to do with that wand, little missy.

Nothing.

A rare moment of love. 

Luke rocking his new shoes at the museum!

God, that face!

We had a date night! 

We learned we actually still have things to talk about that aren't kids' bedtimes or who is going to clean what once they're all asleep.

And we still really like each other when we get a second to breathe.

That's nice.

It's the best.

What's In A Name

I love coffee. And Amy Schumer.

I used to think other Amys were weird. My mom told me she chose my name off a list of names teachers liked. (Great story, Mom.) And that about summed up my experience with other Amys. And my existence. We were well like by teachers and other than that we had nothing in common. I probably should have been named something else, but now we'll never know because once you name someone something that's what they are. My friend Tiana - she could never be anything but a Tiana. Henry, is totally a Henry. My old friend Sung? He is Sung and that's it. 

But, Amy? I can't even say it correctly when people ask me what my name is. I just end up saying it all nasally and weird, and ultimately the Starbucks people write "Emmy", or "Auntie", or once I got "Meat" on my latte cup. I must have had a cold that day.

I used to turn my head when someone called another Amy and I'd look and my initial thought was always, "I look nothing like that girl. Like, absolutely nothing like her." Which is the dumbest thought I could ever have because OF COURSE I look nothing like her. We have the same name, not the same parents. But my brain takes its own path down the road of crazy sometimes, so there you go. I not only feel connected to people named Amy, I also feel very weird about them.

UNTIL, that is.

Until recently.

Recently the Amys in the world are being a little less weird. My sister-in-law for instance. We now have the exact same name. She's totally cool. She's exactly what I thought an Amy would be like, funny, smart, pretty, short(er than me) and blonde. We look nothing alike. And then there's Amy Poheler and Amy Schumer. I don't know them, but they are both funny, smart, pretty, short(er than me) and blonde. 

My point is I'm coming around to my name. 

A little bit.

My other point is that naming children is hard. Because that is what they will be called forever! It's like you pick a name and you hand them a personality. It's very serious business. You want to name your daughter Bambi, that's cool. But I think we all know what she's going to be like. (A Jewish surgeon from Connecticut, obviously.) You'll never meet an unfriendly Sam, but a girl Sam, that's a whole different story. I named my daughter Tula and it was the best decision I've ever made. She is a Tula to the bone. Addie on the other hand, she might actually be a Suri. Only time will tell.

(Kidding.)

Speaking of Addie!

Guess who lost her first tooth!

Yes, she's a little too young to lose her teeth, but she fell out of bed a few months ago and knocked her teeth. They wiggled slightly, but the doctor assured us they would "harden up" again. But Adeline Leigh sucks her thumb, so I have a feeling that kept those pearly whites wiggling. And then one day, she could flip it totally upside down and I was like, "OH HOLY MOLEY GET THE PLIERS!" and Josh kept saying, "Come here. I'll just give it a quick chaw!" while he made a fast pulling motion. This of course made Addie scream and cry and run away. All the while Josh followed her around the house going, "Just a little chaw!"

"No, Dad please!"

"Chaw!"

"Daddy, stop!"

"A little chaw chitty chaw!"

"No! Please no chaw!" *totally crying now*

Being a parent is so fun. 

It fell out, all on it's own with no chaw-ing at all, in the bathtub and she found it through all the soap and toys. And the tooth fairy did indeed show up. And even wrote her a letter which she carries around with her everywhere.*

She has never been so proud of herself.

How is she so big already?!

*The tooth fairy letter was written by the manly chaw-er himself. He is a really good dad.

It's Exactly Like That

Ok, I actually DO promise I'm back this time. I can't do a major catch up because I don't remember what I had for breakfast (chocolate and cold coffee), but this will be picture-heavy. Because I have a lot of those.

SO!

Life gets in the way of things. A lot of things. Like, doing my hair, or checking to see whether or not I still have Cheetos in my socks. (answer: 9 times out of 10 I have Cheetos in my socks. I don't know why. I don't eat Cheetos very often, but I have a feeling Tula had a big "Treasure Hunt" day and decide to hide all the Cheetos in my socks. I have a question for you Tula - WHERE'S MY WEDDING RING?! Oh, but that is a post for a different day. A day Josh doesn't want to kill me. He blames me for the missing ring, meanwhile his daughter is like a black hole, losing things faster than . . uhm. . . a black hole. That simile didn't work out so well, but you know what I mean!)

And I used to see these depictions of moms on TV sitcoms or commercials, back before I was a mom, where they were all frazzled and unkempt and wild-eyed, and I kinda got it. Like, I thought it was comical because it was an exaggeration. It can't be really like that. I mean, they're just babies. How much trouble can they really cause?!

I mean. . . don't you ever wish you had a time machine just so you can go back and slap yourself?

Except that wouldn't really do any good, because you can't know. You. Can't. You can tell someone a billion times that it's going to be that way, but until they walk a mile in your puke covered shoes, they will. not. get. it.

And I didn't realize that today until about 1 pm when I was scrubbing fresh, bright red poop (color courtesy of antibiotics) out of my favorite blanket, while Henry was eating toilet paper out of the toilet (pee only if that makes anyone feel better), Addie was sticking her new necklace up her butt so she could "poop it out", Luke was wildly humping a pillow (hopefully he did not get it pregnant), and Tula was systematically chewing and swallowing every single piece of cinnamon gum she found in my purse, the contents of which are now splayed out across the entire house so that later I can play a fun little game called, "Where the f is my driver's license!"

And I was still in my pajamas. 

So yeah. This is not an unusual occurrence. This is not even an upsetting occurrence. This is just what happens. There was no anger or yelling, no time outs. There was just triage. 

Wash hands. Take toilet paper out of Henry's mouth. Wash hands. Take gum away. Throw necklace in sink. Wash hands again. Throw blanket in washing machine. Wash hands again. Let Luke have his way with the pillow. He's not harming anyone.

And that was it. 30 seconds and done.

And then the cycle repeated in a new way.

And that's why I was still in my pajamas, with no make-up, and hair that resembled sadness. Because if the kids are awake, there is no time to take care of my appearance. 

So, yes. The movies are right. I leave the house looking like a zombie sometimes, and I don't really care. As long as no one is pooping out a necklace in public we have won as far as I'm concerned. 

Plus, they're so cute no one is really looking at me. 

I hope. 

Best. Bath. Babies. Ever.

Cousins! James is so coy.

I've just come to accept the fact that family pictures are not going to work for a while. 

Gangsta ballerinas, just chillin' with some peanut butter toast.

My ladies.

They were really sick, and all they wanted to do was cuddle with each other.

Straight to my heart.

Sometimes Tula and I get to go to the museum alone and we love it!

I rarely take all four to the grocery store by myself, but when I do we're ALL in pajamas and we have to take Elmo and Sofia too.

Waiting for dad at the airport.

So, I actually did get out of my pajamas once. For a wedding. 

I wish I lived near these girls!

Tula Marie v. Preschool v. My Soul

So, Tula.

Tula, Tula, Tula.

I've mentioned before that she is a force of nature. And she is. (They all are, really.) But, she is a tornado you want to cuddle with. A tsunami with a huge heart. A bull in a china shop with the most adorable giggle. 

She started preschool in September. It's only one day a week, like a starter preschool, and before she started all the teachers were saying, "Oh Tula is so ready for school! She'll love it!" We all thought that because, Tula - she is a doer. She does not cling to my leg and hang back to wait for me to tell her what to do. She does not wait for anyone to tell her what to do, she just does things. She jumps off tables before telling you to catch her. She runs down busy streets after escaping in the morning because she's trying to "go for walk with daddy". She sneaks out the hidden door in the museum and ends up on a completely different floor and roams the dinosaurs with a man she later called "the daddy who found me". She takes off in the grocery store and before I can even say, "Tula, where are you?!" she has made it across the store to the bakery section and has pounded like, at least seven donuts. And she never even paid for them!

While I tried to set the kids up for a picture, so proud of myself for taking them out to the grocery store in the middle of snow storm, Tula took the opportunity to get the heck out of dodge.

And then she got even further away. 

I briefly thought this was going to be the picture I gave to the police. "She went that way!" I'd scream. "Look for her to the left! No, my left!"

But not only is Tula a spitfire, she is also never going to be what you'd expect. I expected I would drop her off at preschool and she'd be all, "Bye Mom! . . . . FOREVER," and then would hitchhike to Mexico and start an abalone diving business. 

But that wasn't what happened. Turns out she wasn't cool with it. 

Not. At. All.

She was so upset and crying so hard. And it didn't blow over. And then it didn't blow over some more. She just kept getting more scared and sad and I tried everything to get her distracted and playing. But then she turned her head to me with her gorgeous bright blue eyes, filled with tears, and said, "I come home with you? I get in the car. I come home with you?" And I was LITERALLY about two seconds away from saying, "Yes. You don't have to stay at this awful place! Come with Mama forever!" But I didn't get a chance because one of her teachers pried her out of my arms and said, "Come on Tula, let's read." And then they pushed me out the door. 

And I just stood there in the hallway listening to my baby girl - my tiny, fiesty two year old with a vengeance - scream her bloody head off. 

One of the other moms came up to me and said, "Please tell me that's not your daughter screaming." And I started to cry and snotted something about how maybe she's too little, and I should go save her. And then the mom said, "Oh honey, you can't stand here listening to this. Go home. Go home right now." And then she pushed me out the door.

I went home and was miserable, and was convinced I was the worst mother in the world for letting my terrified daughter watch me just walk away from her while she was pretty sure I'd just abandoned her in Siberia. It was the longest three hours of my life. 

When I went to pick her up she was happy and fine. A little weepy and clingy, but smiling and showing me the toys.

And then both teachers came up to me at once. Which is never a good thing. That's like being called into the principals office. Turns out, Tula cried and screamed for a good 20-30 minutes and then after her rage, she just up and fell asleep in the middle of the classroom. 

She FELL ASLEEP. In a room full of very loud two year olds. 

I was so shocked that I started laughing hysterically at the implausibility. Like, I could not control my laughter. This is a girl who takes hours to fall asleep at night because she is wound so tight with energy she can't settle herself down. 

And she didn't just sleep for like five minutes. She took a good forty, forty-five minute nap at 9:30 in the morning. 

So that was weird.

And heartbreaking.

Because no one wants their daughter to pass out from sheer exhaustion of panic and rage, only to have twenty tiny humans stepping over her on their way to the craft tables, and fish feeding time. 

But she did.

And the next time was not so great either.

And neither was the time after that.

But then by like the 4th time she suddenly was ok. She wanted me to cuddle her on the chair for a few minutes and then she was off playing. And today when I dropped her off she walked in and said, "Ok Mom, I see you later!" smiled and was gone. Just like that. 

And that broke my heart too. In a great way.

I'm pretty sure I'll be sleeping right next to her on the floor of her dorm room when she starts college, just until she gets settled in. And that is fine with me. Weird for her roommate, but just fine with me.

Or maybe I won't. Maybe she'll move in by herself and call me when she gets there and will tell me how much she loves it. Either way, it'll be awesome. Either way, it'll be Tula. 

Bloggy Blog Blog

Ok, so it's been FOREVER.

I'm sorry. But I'm back! And as a way of an excuse I still have the four kids and now have three part time jobs, two of which are writing-type jobs so when I feel the need to write something it usually goes somewhere where I'm getting money. Which feels good. To be making money doing something that also makes me happy. It's like the universe aligns and stars appear out of nowhere in my house and my carpet is make with clean-up-able glitter! It's not enough money to pay our mortgage or anything, but it's something. And that's awesome if you ask me. 

For now. 

ANYWAY.

It's snowing here. Which means the boys are going to be one in two months. Which means, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 

ONE!

I just. I can't even.

Tons of stories and stuff about all of them coming up, but first, here's a million catch up pictures!

Luke being my little lovey. 

I mean, look at that smile. He is so dang darling it hurts.

Not to be outdone, Henry is equally hurt-y. Those laughs!

My mom made Addie the crown, and then all on her own Addie made this throne. She calls it her "charient" and when Tula walked in the room and asked Addie to had her something Addie said, "Ok, but only if you bow to me and say "Yes, my queen.""

!WHERE DID SHE LEARN THAT!

Luke, loves being king!

Henry is not as much into it.

Boris is such a trooper. Tula loves him hard. Sometimes a little too hard.

Sometimes when you're child wakes you up at 5am it's ok to put him in the sink so you can get stuff done.

Tiana came to visit!

This is the girls' first round of Halloween costumes! Josh declared Adeline is not allowed to be Elsa anymore for Halloween which probably means she'll be Elsa for the next thirty years.

My mom came to stay with me while Josh was gone for a week! So wonderful. We didn't even get a chance to talk because with four kids the only time you get to talk is when they're asleep, so we'd get out the wine at 9:30pm and then be in bed by 9:45. I lead a very exciting life y'all.

One day I asked Josh to put a sweater on Tula, and this is what I found.

That's a 12month sized sweatshirt. 

She rocked it.

Round 2!

Round 2 was adorable!

Round 2.5, Tula added a dia de los muertos flair.

My Aunt Mary came while my mom was here and when she left she sent me all these goodies! Henry was very excited!

Luke working on his break dancing.