Grump

Do you ever just hate everything?

No?

Well, then clearly you've never been a six and a half month pregnant lady with a toddler, a demanding dog, and a claw-y cat.  CLEARLY.

I'm trying to post every day now but I can't do a real one today because today, along with hating everything, I hate posts.  They're really shitty.

(Sidenote: I have to start watching what I say because little Miss Talky Talk repeats everything and the other day I said, "Well, that's shitty", to myself and she said, "Kitty? Kitty.  KITTY!"  Luckily she misheard me.  Good thing it wasn't "Well, f*** me in the a**"  which is what I really wanted to say.)

(Other sidenote: I'm not sure why that's become my go-to phrase for when I mess something up.  I do not even realize I'm saying it half the time and the other half I'm like, "What? The a**?  Why would I just say that?"  It's like I'm possessed people. The same thing happened to my mom a while back out of the blue, she never cussed and suddenly it was like she had to be bleeped every other word.  She's since stopped, but still.  It's a weird phenomena.  For me especially because my baby daddy doesn't curse at all.  So it's like extra bad that I do it.  Maybe it's the hormones?)

Anyway, just when I think I hate everything, I look at this little chubby chubs face and I just melt.  How can you hate anything when there's really something so joyful and bright and loving in the world.

She is beyond sunshine.

Backpack time for a snow walk.

In love with the bear her cousin MJ got her.

Be Afraid, But Please Don't Be Because Then I Might Get Scared of Your Scaredness

This is the main reason I never, ever want to go diving.  

Nooooooooooooo!

Not to mention, I'll probably never snorkel again.  Why? Because as soon as my face is in the water a giant shark-made-out-of-fish is going to form and . . . and then. . . . my fears never really progress past the actual terror part, so I'm not sure what it would do, but it would scare me.  And I do not like to be scared.  I can't even watch the previews for scary movies because they give me nightmares.  Nightmares about being scared.  My brain shuts off before the actual harm is done, because that's never the really scary part is it?  I mean sure, you don't want to be stabbed by a school of fish, but also once you're stabbed there's nothing you can do about it is there?  The buildup to the fish stabbing - that's where the terror really lies.  Because you could stop it, but you can't because you're not part mermaid, and OH MY GOSH THEY'RE GOING TO GET Y  ***stab you're dead***

So, last night, while the whole house was deep in sleep I'm suddenly awoken by a low beeping, which cautiously turns into a terrifying children's melody, you know the kind, they are in every single movie with a clown ever made.  It gets louder and louder, and suddenly I'm wondering how I can escape through the cat door in our bedroom and break into Adeline's room to save her without tipping off the clown monster that I'm awake and moving around.

And then it hits me.  Her dang toys are setting each other off.  Normally this would continue to scare me even more, but since I've spent the last few weeks hearing those ding dang toys all playing at once, I wasn't scared so much as feeling murderous.  Like, suddenly the toys should be scared.  No, they should be terrified.  Because I was about to go ape shit on some inanimate objects waking up the house be damned!

I was just about to grab the blow torch when my baby daddy woke up and I told him to go kill the toys or I would.

And all at once I felt at peace.  Like I'd turned some sort of scaredy cat corner.  The student has because the master.  I would never be afraid again!

Until my house creaks weirdly again.

Then it's pee my pants time.

But lets be honest, when you're pregnant, it's always pee your pants time.

I will save you mama.

Thank you little tiny love of my life.

25 Weeks!

I'm 25 weeks pregnant now, which means the baby is about the size of a rutabaga!  I have no idea what a rutabaga looks like, but I'm guessing it's about this big:

This pregnancy is making me way sleepy.  I was tired with Adeline, but not like this.  Of course back then I had the luxury of sleeping in and napping whenever I wanted and I didn't appreciate it.  Oh, Hindsight!  You fickle beast!

Mama don't fall asleep while I"m in the bath!  I'm about to do something really cute like poop in here!

Anyone who says children don't suck the life out of you are lying liars telling lies.  If they took a lie detector test the thing would start to smoke and then it would explode and those poor people would be dead in the explosion, all because they lie.

It's not that I don't love Adeline and Baby X more than anything in the world.  Because I do.  I would kill for them, I would honestly stab someone if I had to, and that's a lot coming from someone who has a hard time cutting paper because she's afraid it's hurting it.

Yes, I'm in therapy why do you ask?

Anyway, my point is it doesn't matter if they're inside growing organs and stuff, or outside being one and a half and running me from room to room to show me different spots on the wall she finds fascinating, these babies are making me So Dang Tired I actually, and seriously, just asked their father if he drugged me.  It's noon and I feel like I could go to bed for the night.

However, it's totally ok, because she does something cute like try to walk around the house in her dad's boots and suddenly I have a burst of energy.  (For about five seconds and then I fall asleep in my dinner again)

Adeline tries on boots, Boris tries witchcraft.

Video, Er, Wednesday

So, I missed Video Friday.  But I was going to show you this little gem.  It's why I'm having two girls.  Because I want them to be able to do this.  (Unfortunately, if they're anything like me and my sister attempting anything close to this would kill all eardrums within a fifty mile radius as homegirls cannot sing.)









Also, this happened.  Someone is learning to jump!

Well, she doesn't really jump, she can't get both feet off the ground at the same time, but she's REALLY trying and her arms are working hard.  It's so freaking cute.

Healthy vs Tasty vs LAY OFF MAN I'M HUNGRY

My special lover and I have a good relationship. We play cards together, we laugh about the day's happenings, we take walks and don't try to push each other into traffic. It's very loving up in here.

That is until this weekend. 

I'm 23 weeks pregnant ya'll, which means my appetite is back and raging. Normally I try to eat pretty healthy, aside from the millions of reese's peanut butter eggs, but once in a while I'll have something tasty because I actually enjoy food. This however was not an occasion when I thought I was doing something unhealthy per se.

 What was the crime you ask? Well, I dared to sit down in front of the father of my children holding a freshly microwaved Hot Pocket. No, not even a Hot Pocket, but a mother lovin' LEAN Pocket. If that isn't healthy I don't know what is, but someone went total ape shit about it for unknown reasons. Telling me I shouldn't be eating like that and I'm having a baby and need to eat healthy and blah, blah, blah and I was just staring at him confused because who was this guy and where in the world was the dude who two days ago requested we drive to Wendy's and get two Jr Bacon Cheeseburgers, an order of fries, and a soda - JUST FOR HIM. I calmly read him the ingredients (leaving out all the fake stuff), and proceeded to eat it because C'MON Baby Daddy, sometimes mama needs a damn Lean Pocket!

Mmmmm, gooey goodness.

 I didn't even say a word about the fact that he had just bought a bunch of hot dogs to eat as snacks. SNACKS.

 Except that I did, and he just said, "Yeah but that's just ruining my body."

 Point taken.

I can put up with his weird food comments (that rarely happen) because cute stuff like this happens (all the time).

Just taking a walk in the snow with my dad and my blankie. Ain't nothing uncute happening here.

Speaking of healthy, someone got all up into a pudding cup I shared with her.  She literally tried to put her face into the whole cup.  It was amazing because she almost did it.

What? I'm gonna try again 'k?

And I got her to put her hair in a ponytail for a whopping five whole minutes!  Success!!!

Video Friday!

This has nothing to do with us, but it made my day so much I'm still crying from laughter.

And since I'm doingVideo Fridays (that's my new thing, I'm gonna label a day a thing, then do it!) (hopefully!) (I'm also supposed to start flossing every day, but that hasn't happened yet, so we'll see)

Anyway, this video I love so much because it shows a) how Adeline can use sign language! and b) how quirky my daughter is because she thinks it's hilarious when people change songs to make them sorta scary.  Like Becky's singing her a song and coming to attack her all at the same time and it's like the best thing that's every happened to her.


 




And of course, more story time with Addie.  Girlfriend really knows the secrets of how you're actually supposed to read something.

Back to Negative Degree Weather

Sorry for the long break, I just spent two and a half weeks in California where they don't have internet.  Just sunshine and flip flops and so many hipsters I almost had to throw away all my scarves.  Really boys?  Your jeans are tighter than your girlfriend's, do you think that makes her want to get naked in front of you?  No wonder you're depressed.  Sex is fun people!  You don't have to try to push it away with all those bangs in your eyes.  Part that shit, take off those fake glasses, and look out at the world!

Believe me I could rant about the kids these days all day long, but my sister just pointed out I sound bitter and old and she's right.  You wear your lady clothes all you want hipster boys.  And hipster girls you just go ahead wearing dresses that make you look 40 and post pregnant.  Who am I to judge?  I still wear a shirt I had in high school because I don't know if it's out of fashion yet, so clearly I cannot be relied upon to be a good judge of style.

Anyway!  Hipsters aside we had a great time over the holidays!  Before we left Adeline did some prepping to be a big sister.  Here she is hugging her baby AND sharing a chair with Boris.  It was a good day people.

THEN!  She actually let me hold Alex's new teeny, tiny, adorable baby Mikaela!  

Look at that face! She's so excited!  Well, she was excited after she screamed to be picked up and held too.  I think this new baby thing will work out ok as long as I can hold her also.  It's gonna make things really fun up in here.  Especially when this is how the lady likes to act at sporadic periods of time that correlate to nothing, absolutely nothing at all!  

It's just like, good day, good day, good day, BAM!  I HATE EVERYTHING FOR SEVENTY SECONDS! Then back to good day, good day, I WILL TRY TO KILL YOU WITH MY SCREAM BECAUSE YOU LOOKED AT ME WRONG!

Having kids is fun.

I mean she's holding a freaking sundae in her hand but for some reason it pissed her off.  F that sundae!  Stupid sprinkles being all sprinkly!  How dare they.

Later in the week she actually requested to hold the baby herself!  Um, ok.  I'm cool with dying of cuteness. Go ahead.

Mikaela however was not so sure.

Before we left for California we had Christmas with the Amidon's and it was super fun.  Adeline dressed up.

And got the best present ever from her Aunt Amy!

That my friends is Rody.  He bounces up and down and is AWESOME.  Upside?  You blow him up through, I kid you not, his butthole.  No, you did not read that wrong.  The air pumper goes into little Rody's butt. Who came up with that?!  You also have to pull out the butt plug to deflate him.  I know this post will now probably get my blog to turn up on lots of gay porn sites, but I couldn't not share it with you.  I mean, look at this:

LOOK AT THIS!

Ah Rody, you make every day like Christmas.

Two and a half weeks away from Dad was really hard on all three of us.  She changed so much while we were gone that Josh was totally shocked at her when we got back.  Her feet got huge!

She's talking more, and throwing her weight around with attitude, and laughing more, and climbing more, and generally being more wonderful every day!  I'll post more about our trip and things soon.  

I hope every one had great holiday!!!