39 Weeks!

Whoo hoo! And the book tells me the baby is the size of a watermelon.  I think at this point that's pretty obvious.

Here I am being really excited about it.  39 weeks rocks.

Here I am the next day remembering that I was wearing my sister's shirt in the other picture. A shirt I (accidentally) stole last time I was in California and she's probably gonna be slightly pissed I'm wearing it 39 weeks pregnant.  That shit was not supposed to be so stretchy.  Love you Becky! Thanks for the tiger shirt!  RAWR

At this point things are weird because a) I'm so hungry I'm eating more than the father of my children, which is quite a feat.  This is a man who when we order a pizza will take out two pieces for me and then he will eat ten.  TEN. And then have three ice cream bars while we watch David Tutera's wedding show on E!

And b) because everyone wants to know if I think it's happening.  Like right now!  Any time I call my mom, or sister, or friends, or the Chinese take-out place they all answer, "Are you in labor?" Chances are if I'm in labor I'm not gonna respond to your 'Hello?' with "Hey, what's up?" I'm more likely to respond with, "Graahhhglssslkdfjasdfj contractions alskdjfoweija;s having baby ghalskdjf going to the jliasdh fucking hospital!"  (except I don't cuss when I'm in labor (it's the only time I remember to be polite apparently) I can't control myself in front of my toddler, but a staff of people LITERALLY stretching out my perineum - them I find myself being ladylike with)

But I totally understand all the asking.  I would be asking too.  I did do it, to all of my friends an family that were close to their due date - because it's exciting!  And people wanna meet the baby, and that's so nice.  And it's so wonderful that this little lady is so loved already, she's a lucky little girl.

She won't like being called Baby #2 when she's in High School, but naming kids is hard yo!

Things They Don't Tell You #2

1. At 38 weeks you will want to eat everything in your house, at every fast food restaurant within a 50 mile radius, everything in your neighbor's house and by then you'll be ready for lunch.  I am so hungry I can't even keep up.  And I loves me some eating.  I'm accustomed to eating every two hours, it's what I do - but this is like every half hour.  And it's like a full meal.  And when we left dinner at the grandparents house only to have me beg to have my baby daddy stop at Taco Bell for a six pack of tacos and he won't do it THEN I WILL STAB SOMEONE.

It's crazy.

My sister and I (because we're doctors) decided it has to be that my body is making milk, because not only is there the hunger - but also Addie has, out of the blue, started to pretend to breastfeed over my clothes.  Does she smell it?  Is she having Nam-like flashbacks of babyhood?  Whatever it is it's a little . . . strange, in a natural way.  She does it and then looks at me all confused and amused like, "Why did I just do that? Mom, that's silly. Let's watch Elmo."

2. The other thing they don't tell you is that contractions feel like really bad menstrual cramps.  I'm saying it here to remind myself.  All the books and videos and stuff say it's a tightening, and your belly gets hard or something weird like that and that's total BS.  Contractions feel like really horrible cramps ladies.  And then even more terrible.  And then like you're having the period of a dinosaur.  And then it feels like a bowling ball is trying to push itself out of a dixie cup but you're not allowed to push because you're only 7 cm dilated and so instead you scream yourself hoarse and try to bite your partner and then you beg the nurse to tell the doctor that even though it's only been three minutes you're pretty sure you're at 12 cm and she's like, "That's not even medically possible" and you're like, "You're not medically possible!" and then finally the doctor gets her arm all up in there, like right up to her shoulder, and eventually a baby comes out and you bleed for six weeks.

And it's a total miracle!

It's gorgeous, and the most wonderful thing in the world!

But they don't tell you when it starts it feels like cramps, that was my point.




3. Also, they don't tell you you're allowed to wear only yoga pants if you want.

You are.

You're welcome.




On an unrelated note, we walked along the river this weekend in the rain.  It was really lovely.

Holding hands so she won't keep slipping and falling down in the rainy grass.  Also, because she loves her daddy.

Expressing concern about all the rain.

 

38 Weeks!

What!

I just told Josh this morning at 38 weeks and two days, I've never been this pregnant before.  That is weird.  Adeline was born two weeks early, so this time last pregnancy I had a baby.  Which is strrrrrange.

When I went to the doctor on Wednesday she told me I was 1 cm dilated and 80% effaced and that the head was so low she wasn't sure how I was walking.  Me either lady friend, me either.

But then she said, "Well, I don't think I'll see you next Wednesday based on this" and I was all WHAAAAAAAAT!?!?!?!  

I mean, I know it can happen at any time but her saying it made it seem real and super scary.  With Addie I wasn't scared because she came early so I wasn't even thinking about it.  This time every time I have to go to the bathroom I'm pretty sure the baby is going to fall out.  (haha as if it were that easy! if only!)  And I'm sort of embarrassed about this, but I came home and had a full meltdown.  Not because I don't want the baby to come, but because a baby is coming.  Does that make sense?  I'm very, very, very excited and happy about it, but it's still slightly terrifying.  Not the bringing her home part, that part I'm stoked about - it's just that, you know how they say you forget what labor was like? Well, NO YOU DON'T.  And I'm not scared of the pain or anything, I just know it's a hard thing to do.  And I have to do it.  AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT according to my doctor.

I mean, because she said that I'll probably go past my due date and be begging someone to reach up in there and yank the sucker out.  And after my Wednesday meltdown I've calmed down a lot.  And I've eaten a lot of red licorice, and red licorice helps everything.

If I could I'd have a red licorice dispenser in my car like from Wayne's World.  

Love.

Why They Don't Let Me Name Planets

So, we are still undecided about what to name this kicky and amazingly hungry little girl. (I just ate two bagels with peanut butter, a huge salad, and six Oreo's for lunch and could totally do it again.)

And despite the fact the cliche is that girl's are the indecisive ones, I'm afraid it's not the case in this. . . case.  I'm decisive as heck.  I decised the crap out of our name list, but homeboy will not commit!

So, as of now, I will be naming her Ron Swanson.  Not after my dad (not that I don't love you Dad, I do), but his name isn't Ron Swanson.  You know whose name is?

Ron Swanson's.